You sat me down beside myself
To show me all the reasons
I was wrong for you
Was this for real?
It's hard to tell
Cause it was such a beautiful mess we had got into

I'm gonna overcome this, paper hearts can't win this time
And all along
I should have known this wasn't your dream,
it was mine
I know you wanted me to give up this life to be
Everything I was back when you had the hands my heart was in
I was never good at goodbye



on another note
i love living in singapore
cause only here, can a munjen put on a turban
and the singh it belongs to wont mine
and
voila, u have sangerella singh
friend of shepperstiltskin and bendilocks

fri thru to saturday, was one of the most emotionally and physically draining days of my poly life.

k here's why

fri was planned for us to head down to cine to get my figurines and then to bugis to get a jacket for mr wan, and then to queensway to get my shoes and winsors jeans.

so

wan called me asked me if i could come school at 3 to help carry stuff
''sure!'' answered this naive and enthusiastic boy
i even took a cab
so it turns out, wan and i had to carry a million chairs, 300 thousand tables, 500 balls, 87 cones
50 bibs and 1 board. k that wasnt exact but when ur tired, it seems that way k

but then ruz treated me to ben and jerrys! yay love you
cookie dough somemore woooooo (k i almost wrote coolie dough)

then after shopping, which was fucking funny and I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET WHAT HAPPEN AT MACS,

i headed down to leroy's party
no offence but it was shit ass boring
even when the 89 syndrome kids came
but its always fun trading sarcastic jokes and witty remarks with one another
but with people like peter around, some are lame.damn lame

so we decided it was boring and we headed to katong to play lan
fucking shiokkkkkkkkkk
so we played till like 6 am
and then we headed home where i slept at like 10
and woke up at 11 with the intention to come school for lecture
but the lecturer ended an hour early
so i came when they ended bastard k i would have been there for an hour if it didnt end an hour early cause i came an hour late so i would have an hour's worth of lecture.fuck

then this little event named law fraternity games took place.
ah this
we, the year 2's, were suppose to have a team but miss wendy yu decided soccer was over-publicized and she decided to send one team only, and that was the year 3 team...so leo and i joined volleyball...and we sucked shit ass we were clearly bringing the team down la...

they were all from school team and shit...after a while with my lack of sleep evident, i just wanted to go home la fuck and the sun was scorching like a bitch. but then when the year 3's were already knocked out, leo and i played for them for one game.yay. one game at least i could test out my shoes.

but then the highlight of the day came.

k everyone who was there,knows what happened
so i will just give my 2 cents worth

its funny how people's perception of one can change
last year, everyone use to be raving about you, how you are responsible and shit
maybe u took that to heart, and saw that the whole of law and management's future rests on your shoulder. thats fucked up

you started pulling under-handed tactics and started playing the blame game when someone finds fault with you

wtf

and your ethics,my god dont let me get started
taking pictures of/with girls that are nice enough to pose? and then taking advantage and putting it on your friendster with stupid captions and, this just takes the cake, even putting a collage on your handphone as wallpaper

so back to the stunt u pulled at the LFG yesterday
it was disgusting, disgraceful and just sad
u made marlon brando turn in his grave with what you call acting
only a blind disillusioned soul would have fallen for it
sorry to call miss yu and mr looi that but they fell for it
hook line and sinker
and while you were on the ground
wow u sure took everyone with your winning gesture of leadership huh?
''mr looi, i cant return the key''
so what, u think this cements your place in law inc?
with the support of the lecturers?
fuck
now, i have totally lost all respect for you
as a human being and as a member of law inc

maybe i am so pissed cause one of your unethical actions you did struck a raw nerve with me
but whatever, your pissing everyone off with every single hi and goodbye and stupid suggestions like using the field goal post on the astro turf

k enough i was so fucking pissed when i went home
fucking pissed

k time for soccer

bye

argh its fucking 330 am and i cant sleep
and tmr lecture at 9
leadership
i promise myself i am gonna attend every lecture
even the intro ones
and even those that are my only subjects for a whole day in school
yes tmr, or rather today, its just that lecture for an hour

fuck

i am gonna start my lord of the rings miniatures collection again
cause its so fucking cool
wins and i were fooling around with what i had left from sec3
cause i gave a lot away when i shifted
and the urge and impulsiveness just took over
i spent like 2k? on the collection
and now i have to find a way to balance buying new miniatures and saving for the bangkok trip
help
and i need to buy new brushes and paints
cause my paints from sec3 have all dried up
i will try to take pictures of my miniatures
and post them
if i have perked your curiousity
so at least yall know what to get me for my birthday

i think this has been the longest that i havnt updated

k anyway, school starts in two days
i am gonna be more serious
and i am getting more and easily irritated with things happening around me
well more than usual
dont know why

k anyway
my aunt is inviting my family, along with hers', to watch the
spongebob showcase in singapore
ha
the best thing is, she says in the email if we get a party of 8,
we get to meet the characters backstage
how cool is that?
i cant be fucked to go
but its for my little ang moh cousin, sean william smart,
and i love him to bits
so if need be, i shall go
but someone please come with me

and my ulcers are back
good timing rite
when school is about to start
fantastic

and ridhwan
please look after me this sem
thank you

i was blog-hopping
and i came across this

I read this from the second book I finished this week:
Today's modern women should know that a gentleman hoping to entice her will employ one of the two methods: either a straightforward, direct approach, or a more subtle, gentle wooing. Sadly, as with most matters, few gentlemen consider which method the lady might casually prefer - until it's too late. -Jacquie D'Alessandro's Love and the single Heiress.

I would like to add-on the above quote, for it made me explore further into the heads of fellow womankind and.... to kill boredom. When I first glanced through the paragraph, I shrugged it off as being intuitive. I mean, what other ways are there other then being either straightforward or subtle in wooing someone? Then, I realized the gist of the whole paragraph is how most men realize the correct method to exploit only too late and it isn't even their fault.. at least, not entirely.. How was a man to know what method to work with is safer when women are just so unpredictable.. yes, admit it..

I am not trying to sound philosophical because I know that I cannot make it because I am not. Each method has its shiats and plus-points. I can't even tell if I prefer one over the other. Tell me if you can. (I would really respect that as it is definitely not an easy decision even though it appears to be.) HOW can a man know? When most of us, fickle-minded beings don't..

I know straightforward courtship(s) can reflect that the man in question is daring, manly, courageous and very sure about what he's doing and doesn't mind baring his feelings when sometimes, possibilities of being reciprocated are as slim as Kate Moss's ankles. Mind you.. these qualities are very very very desirable. I dare say almost every women would succumb to the idea of having a protective, dependent and macho partner.. It is just that the level of tolerance may defer in different people and at different times. I mentioned we are volatile creatures.. no? However, such sudden launch of wooing may panic us and our body alarm will go off thinking that ourselves couldn't be the only person being courted so directly. The man may sadly be stamped on the forehead with the word 'dangerous' in our minds. Many may tip to the extreme by even thinking that the man is a male chauvinistic pig (MCP). Sad, but, often true.

In the case of subtle, gentle wooing, chances of ending up being friends (really good ones..) are every so often. The poor guy may be stereotyped as being wishy-washy, even worst - ball-less or hum. What sad sad world we live in. Besides feeling sorry for these guys, I have to say, the method they chose is not wrong. In fact, it is far from it. They can be seen as mature adults who know that giving women enough and duly-deserved (and sometimes long period of..) attention is definitely necessary and gentlemanly. Another set of very sought-after personalities can surface from such method and just to remind everyone.. not every woman is blind. A man can be seen as sincere, patient and very very very smitten with the lady. *BIG PLUS POINT!

=/

yesterday at 2am
was one of the best days of the holidays
ridhwan called me at 2am
and said,''shep go get ready and change, we going out''
i was flabbergasted and was like wtf
and as it turned out
jo and halim had already picked up wan in jo's van
so i snuck out of the house
and jo came in his van, scrapped my kerb and i clambered in

so we went to eat at simpang i honour of halim's birthday
we had illegal sheesha and many many prata
shiok
and we talked, and laughed and it was fucking fun
wooooooooooooooooooo

so the people at raffles place stopped replying to my email once they heard i could only work for 2 weeks.
die.next holidays cannot go bangkok already shahira, no money
sorry
so all i that i have been doing this holidays
is
run?
guitaring?
fuck so boring
i half want school to start
and the other half hates school cause its a depressing place
with emphasis on grades, looks and social status
no one can be themselves anymore
and you dont know who really are your friends
like you get the feeling they talk to you and stuff
but like, they really wont give a fuck if your not there
and you actually sense that they would prefer you not be there
its quite easy to spot actually
just the attitude they show towards you and their 'real' friends
-no salutations when yall meet
-forced conversations
-maybe polite smile and laughters
yea thats one of the many signs

if i was like
crippled or something
i would have killed myself a long long time ago
cause then i wouldnt even have soccer
and do you know
killing yourself is our way of saying to god
''you cant fire me, i quit''
yes

but dont worry
i wont kill myself(even if yall care)
cause i know that when you kill yourself
you hurt the people that love you the most
and in fact, you wont solve anything at all
so yes i wont be killing myself
anytime soon

on a brighter note
..................................................
................................................
..............................................

k i couldnt think of anything

p.s winsor: i am still holding you to our reservoir runs once school starts ah. i have been training and i can run 3.2km already!

p.s wan: dont skulk away you are joining us

hello can i share with yall this
i was watching my wife and kids
and its fucking funny

husband:you've got something on your chin
fat wife's friend: where?(checks chin)
husband:no the other one,no the lower one, no the lowest one
wife:dont talk to my friend like that!
fat friend: no its alright, i have to run anyway
husband: yea you have to run, and do sit ups and crunches and diet
fat friend: i will dedicate my life to make your's miserable! even if i live till 150
husband: yea well that gives you about 4 more years

=) well i have to do something to take my mind off the depressing things so yea

10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself?
You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return.
I am a God of Love.
Love Me.
Love your neighbors.
But also love yourself.
It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong.
You are very precious to me.
Don't ever forget......

maybe sleeping at 5am everyday has its advantages
i find time to blog
cause during normal sane hours,
i am either running, playing soccer, at sangs house
or just fucking lazy

anyway
yay orange county are the champions of catholeague 2006!
after 3 years in this tournament with 2 different teams, i finally came in 1st!
wooooooo
we won after the game went to penalties
it was a tough game la
both teams fighting it out hammer and tongs
first half was definitely knobus's
but second half belonged to OC

AND I DIDNT CHEAT ACCORDING TO GLENN
whatever happened to ''accidently and unintentionally brushed my arm''
tsk tsk

the penalties were taken by peter raj, iggy and me
all converted expertly
i took the winning and deciding one! =D
wooo
proudest moment of my life k hahahaha
damn shiok
me lifting the trophy =D

k stop cringing i wont blow my own horn anymore
bastards

*your the closest to heaven that i'll ever be and i dont wanna go home right now*

omg i am so sick of myself
i can find so many ways to think of myself as a failure compared to the people around me
in every single aspect
grades,job,friendship or whatever
and it's so fucking annoying
cause i dont want to
it just hits me

grr fuck

anyway 3 more days to the finals
i actually have a good feeling about it
the bad thing is so do the knobus people

And we lay, we lay together
just not too close, too close
(How close is close enough?)
=/

motion city soundtrack, erica sent me this photo to gloat

yay orange county made it to the catholeague finals....
the team we were playing against, BG boys,
set out their stalls to defend from the very first whistle
so it was deadlocked all the way till penalties
and we won via penalties
kudos to the penalty takers for having the guts to step up and take one

so our finals will be held at stpats this sunday
against knobus, the team i played for last year
in the same competition and also reached the finals
ha come support if you can thank you

and i am quite proud of myself
because i am taking my cutting down of cigarettes seriously
last week, i smoked 10 sticks in one week
when it used to be five a day

and when i went to forbidden city at indochine on sat
i bought a pack, smoked like 5
then thought wtf am i doing
and gave the rest of the pack away
=)

yay

i enjoy reading my eldest sister's blog
i was reading thru her previous entries
and its so funny
what a pity she stopped blogging

i was reading thru my previous entries
and i was (am,whatever) so fucking immature
and stupid and i blogged like a caveman
with no paragraphing or anything
just a chunk of redundant rubbish

eugh i felt so bad earlier whilst out with the family
because i was quiet and brooding
and my eldest sis said,''when your tired, your quiet and its boring''
but i wasnt tired
i wished i could just tell her everything happening to me,the reason why i am ''emo''
but i thought it would seem insignificant to someone about to start her own family

i think a waitering job beckons
and i think any question that anyone asks me now that begins with a ''why?''
my answer would very simply be 'i cant be bothered'

and to the 2 of yall
i dont know what happened
or how it happened
but whatever happened, happened
i know we are just best friends by name
and i know some people say this
for the sake of saying
but if you really need someone to talk to,
someone to just make one of you smile
someone to just ease the pain
someone who knows yall since ''childhood''
i am here, emo or not
and i mean it

i miss god
his presence within me
i havnt been to church for ages
and the last few time i went, it was with my friends
and i cant lie and say we were all quiet and listened and were attentive

i have no one to turn to who can really help me and make me feel better in recent times
i really think i am in a slump now
this was when i realized that i really need the direction that god provided me in past years
when i was scared, i would pray
when i was happy, i would pray
when i was sad, i would pray
before i sleep every night, i would pray
now, i hardly pray, only when i am in church

i dont know what happened
maybe i took him for granted
but now, i really wanna just run to him
and bawl my eyes out
and let everything that has been troubling me, out
so i can start a new chapter of my life
cause seriously, the one i am in now has been drawn out long enough
with enough unhappy endings

but there's something holding me back
i have this mindset where i condone people who turn to god
when they only want something
like for example;
someone who hasnt gone to church for ages, suddenly praying asking god for good grades?
i dont like this, i find it stupid cause your only turning to him cause you want something
after you get it, you just go ''thanks god'' and you carry on your life without him
only praying again when you want something

i cant help but think i am only turning to him cause i feel lost
then once i am back on track, poof i disappear
i keep telling myself that i wont
but who knows?

help me lord
fight this loneliness
take this pain away

i love you god
i miss you
i need you

more pictures from zouk!!! read the previous entry for details of 'the zouk experience'

this was what i meant by the guitarist being emotional....hahaha but damn cute laa





jill and sa!!! chance meeting!!

oh ya did i mention that stacie oricco looked at me twice when she was singing...yes not once, but twice...she must have liked what she saw... mahahaha and no wan, she wasnt looking at you...hahaha damn funny la he was smoking when she turned TO LOOK AT ME and he was like,''fuck i was smoking, now got bad impression'' hahahahahaha

stacie oricco performance 8pm zouk

ah so the performance by stacie oricco...haha let me take you thru the details k
she arrived late, like 8.45 then the freaking introduction was like half an hour
stupid vernon A and justin ang, making lame jokes
she sang for like 40 mins? then she left
but she sang well, and we all(including wan and i) sung along to 'there's gotta be more to life'
hahahahha
yes damnnn short laaa the performance but luckily the tickets were free
and i had mr ridhwan to laugh at every single thing...hahahaha damn funny la the guitarist

anddddddd guess what? missus jill and alyssa happened to be there too!! haha damn coincidental laaa...so after the 'ever so long performance', we all met up and i met my cousins at zouk!! another coincidence...cool old people...haha so wan and alyssa like left so damn fast laaa stupid pasir ris people...then tanya beins came and we all clubbed till 3-4? my sister was there too...and during the one too many frequent toilet breaks by missus tanya, i saw denise, the law senior..she asked me where are the rest of the law people, and i said they were busy studying mahahaha! its true k

then i saw more ex patricians and mr kai ming..who asked me to go to the new urban male party at zouk next thurs...i might go, considering how much fun i had yesterday...so after clubbing, where jill got wasted, we headed down to simpang.. where we fooled around before heading home...k seriously this was just what the doctor ordered after all the shit happening..why cant everyday be like this?

our emo picture at the pool place, after lunch and before the concert...we, or rather they, ate at es teler this indo restaurant kinda thing...

hahahahahahahha another candid leo photo...with wan distracting and my fast fingers clicking

k more photos next entry cause i think i am stuck...someone teach me how to upload pictures properly pleaseeeee

nothing is cheering me up
hmmm
not even the videos that wan put up of us in youtube
maybe cause i have seen it too many times

well hopefully tmr will be better
cause wan and i are going for the stacie orrico concert in zouk
yes, two 18-yr old boys are going for a stacie oricco concert
hope we have fun

sorry if i dun reply to the tags regarding my results and shit
i just dont know what to say
but thanks anyway
appreciate it
you people are the only ones keeping me sane
and the reason why i dont wanna just give up and die

it hurts when something you eagerly await for a week
turns out so disappointing and so totally not what you expect
fuck it hurts when you expect at least some B's finally after a year and a half of poly life
and you still see the fucking friendly faces of C's and D's
fuck
i didnt even aim to do so fucking well and get all A
i just wanted to pull up my fucking pathetic GPA of 2.01
wow thanks it came 2.04
fuck
so fucking what if i didnt get supps?
i studied too hard to even be thinking of supps
ah fuck la
fuck it

i dont wanna go overseas
i am afraid.
afraid to meet new people, afraid to be alone, afraid to miss my family and friends
i know its stupid and fucking dumb but i am scared k?

maybe i should find out more about the private U shit
if my dad wont pay for me
guess i will have to juggle school with work till end of year 3
since i am actively finding for a job now
maybe i should just stay on
then fuck personal enjoyment cause i think i am having too much of it anyway

argh i hate this

i wish i was special
you're so fucking special
but i am a creep
i'm a weirdo
what the hell am i doing here?

I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special

i realised that i talk a lot about my soccer team OC but havnt shown any pictures soooo
photos of my team OC in our recent match at jalan besar stadium
(OC stands for orange county, aptly named cause we wear orange)

Peter chai, the guy in yellow, is not actually the keeper but its just that our keeper for that day wanted to play up so pete volunteered to be keeper...

next are photos of me leading the warm up.... UP!

DOWN!!!

hahaha playing with this bunch of monkeys is damn fun laaa...they are all fucking solid and with peter chai playing alongside me, i dont have to do shit...serious

k anyway, today job hunting was a dud...it felt more like an outing sia...so many jokes, cock up moments and waste time phone calls...in the end, wan and i went to eastpoint where i checked if the pet safari were hiring cause i want to work with animals...thats why i hang out with wan...MAHAHAHA k kidding ah dun emo...so it turns out they werent, so wan and i retreated to peters house to slack...where wan eventually left and i played soccer at simei court...wooo

so tomorrow, or rather today, will be job hunting day 2....in town....most prob Borders....hope they are hiring....SHAHIRA WHEN IS ARAB STREETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT???

hmmm i was just watching Becker, the tv show
and there was this scene that was so fucking sad for a comedy

Jake, the resident blind guy, actually opened the door for a burglar and let him escape because well, he was blind. So he was feeling damn bad and shit and he said this,

''When i wake up everyday, I think like I am any average guy on the street. I have a job, i have friends, i lead a normal life. But sometimes, something like this happens and it reminds me i am not like any average guy. i am blind, i am handicapped''

fuck i felt damn sad la...k just felt like sharing that with yall...so tomorrow is job-hunting day one...hope it stops there...i need a jobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb