omg i am so freaking excited
fate just threw another opportunity at me
just when i was getting all pessimistic and that she wont come
she is coming!

oh my god k i hope i dont blow this chance
like how i blew the one in church
omg omg omg

i couldnt sleep the whole of last night,
thinking of what to say or what to do
i tossed and turned like a tossed and turned salad
hahaahha

oh my god in a few more hours she will be in my house
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
hope i can be my self
omggggggggggggggggggggg

dont screw up
dont screw up
dont screw upppppppp

oh ya happy new year people =)

i feel like a hindrance to my friends

k anyway, i think i didnt give otc the synopsis it deserved
but yea no matter how i describe in words, it wont be done justice
our cheer is on youtube ah, damn shiok
i now have 5 videos on youtube containing me

k christmas sucks as always
forward to new years please thank you

otc was a blast
programme this year was good definitely
i think we owned

k anyway this christmas has been
for want of a better word, fucked

first, when i was leaving my grandma's for church,
my dad suddenly noticed i was wearing his dancing shoes
by mistake instead of the leather shoes
he got angry and shit and i had to go home and change
before going to church

so fucked up
then of course this made me late
and i like caught the last 5 mins of church

then i fucking blew it
like completely blew it
like, a golden opportunity to talk to her
and all i could do was talk about bus routes
fucked up la
and my next chance will probably be like next year or smth
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

k nvm, this is the new shep not the old one
the old one would have said fuck it and whined
but i really feel there is something here, something worth persevering for
so i shall
hmm when's the next opportunity?

then when i went back to my grandmas place after mass,
may i add while everyone was going out to party, i went home
my eldest sis told me that my auntie mistakenly took all my presents home
cause her husbands name is also christopher
and she put her presents next to mine
so yea she thought it was for him
and there were several red packets there

sigh
hope it gets better
especially the church part

let me share with yall a story

today i want for penitential service with my mother
which basically is a mass confession in church
(yes, after my last blog entry, i went for the real thing)

so after confession, i resolved to be a better person
like do good deeds and stuff
so my mum and i were about to cross the road
it was raining heavily, as its the fashion nowadays
whilst waiting for the light to change, i noticed an old man next to me,
with no umbrella and stuff
so you know i felt compassionate and offered to share my umbrella
he was visibly stunned by this and accepted the offer

so here i was thinking i got a one-way ticket to heaven when he did the unthinkable,
he struck up a conversation with me

it went like this

old man: are you singaporean?
me: oh, yes, born and bred in singapore
old man: oh i see, cause you look filipino
me(i was insulted and wanted to take my umbrella back): umm oh i am eurasian you see
old man: oh me too
me(giving the umbrella back and now smiling at him) oh nice, whats ur surname?
old man: nonis ( my mum was making jokes about how he had no-knees(nonis) but got elbows)
me: oh i see i am a shepherdson
old man: oh i know several shepherdsons

by this time, we had already reached the bus stop and then my mum arrived cause the old man could walk fast for an old man. umm ya

and she went

mum: hi douglas!
old man(now douglas): oh hi adelene!
me: huh?
mum: this is your dad's friend from SRC
douglas: oh this is terence's son???? he said he was a shepherdson but it didnt click

at this we were both speechless and gawking and mumbling then our bus came so we got on i was contemplating and reflecting like shit...
and the ''old man'' was a former olympiad who represented singapore at hockey
yea so much for frail old man who needed my umbrella
but its the thought that counts k

so i was like wow i just made a difference in someone's day and while getting off the bus, i gave way to this minah and she was originally looking stressed and stuff but when i gave way, she smiled then put on her emo mask again

so yes people, the message behind this entry is not for me to brag about my good deed but that its really simple to make someone's day, just a simple good deed, or if its really beyond you, just smile i mean its not hard...
i know i know who am i to preach about this, being an emo-boy and shit
but certain circumstances made me realise that people interpret

not smiling= suicidal and going to jump anytime

so yes, smile
seriously
it works

p.s i really am gonna change for the better
i like the warm and fuzzy feeling

forgive me father for i have sinned
it's been a year since my last confession
i turn to you, father, because your the only one who will forgive me
and i dont expect anything more from anyone cause i dont deserve it
and i wont be surprsied if you turn your back on me as well

i have been a bad son
i have been a bad friend
k take it back, a horrible friend
i give nothing yet expect the world back
i use obscenities freely
i have impure thoughts
smoking
stealing
taking things for granted like family
the list goes on


for all these sins, i am truly sorry

hmmm normally when i go for confession, i always feel free and easy after that
somehow, i dont feel light now
i feel worse after seeing all this on paper
lord help me

amen

SHARING OF PERCEPTION

Subjectivity is the key factor in perception. There will always be more than one interpretation of any situation. The issue is not so much whose interpretation is correct rather what the basis of the respective interpretation is.

Minimizing differences in perception is a major objective in managing people and relationships. The best way to minimize differences is by sharing of perception.

Techniques of sharing perceptions require open and direct communication by the perceivers with one another and with all parties concerned. This requires conscious effort and constant vigilance on our part; and many a time, it also requires us to be courageous in being open and honest in our communication.

Skills for sharing perceptions include, asking questions, sharing ideas and information, reflecting, summarising, not formulating the easiest way out, openness to change, listening and other communication techniques that facilitate mutual understanding.

i have been studying OB too much.

anyway, yay my dads gonna pay for my driving after mid-sem tests.
yay he is gonna get me my own car.
yay

i found something that the malay community in singapore is good for
before i carry on, please remember eveything done is in good faith
not happy, don't read on
you have been warned

you know sometimes when you are filled with emotions
but yet you cant find the right words to express that exact feeling?
well, thank the malays
there are some scenarios where using prim and proper english just wont cut it

Scenario A(utmost frustration)

englishmen: i am very frustrated
mat: SIOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Scenario B ( inviting someone to smoke)

englishmen:john, shall we go for a smoke?
mat: eh hisap?

Scenario C ( asking someone to move)

englishmen: excuse me. sorry
mat: eh tepi ah

Scenario D ( insulting one's mother)

englishmen: your mothers vagina
mat: puki mak kau!

Scenario E ( Compliments)

englishmen: jolly good old chap
mat: baik ah mat

see what i mean? there are some scenarios where malay is just the better choice. no frills, no beating around the bush...just short and sweet and straight to the point

however, i warn you...with great power int he malay language comes great responsibility...not every conversation sounds better in malay

Scenario F ( greeting your boss)

Englishmen: Good afternoon sir, how are you today?
mat: EHHHHHHH WASSSSSUPPPPPP BROTHER??????!! APA MACAM?????????????( does hand-punching thing with boss)

Scenario G ( teaching)

Englishmen: so today, you will learn E=MC2 and F=ma
mat: huh?

there you go.... hope yall understand what i have to say..again i have to say, please use the malay language properly.

today
was a day of so many emotions
i lost count

BORED
first i felt bored at OB lecture
at the start of the movie, it was kinda interesting
i mean, how can a space shuttle crash be boring right?
wrong, it was dead boring

HUNGRY
i ate lunch

ANNOYED/PISSED
family law lecture with ridhwans fave lecturer
damn pissing off ah
with her hard-to-believe-stories
and ''i am young, we are young, so i am cool'' attitude....one word
b i t c h

SATISFIED
BIT tournament went rather well....
our team won our first 2 games
or i think they did
cause we won our first game 10-6
and pete and i had to leave at second half for our other game at 6-1
so yea i think they won
but satisfied cause i scored 8 goals in 2 games woooo
but more so cause i blocked peter's shot even though he was on my team
mahahaha

FEAR
i was on the motherfucking bus searching for my phone
and i couldnt find it
i started to take out and overturn my underwear to see if it was there
it makes sense k
i was panicking
finally i gave up

RELIEVED/ DISBELIEF
disbelief because i asked a stranger if i could use his phone
so me being nice, i offered 50 cents la
like payment
and he took it without a second though
relieve because samuel had my phone, i left it at the court
damn lucky la
first ipod now this
i am becoming very absent-minded

SURPRISED
guess who i saw on the mrt?
charlie tay
yes our fellow former law student
apparently he is looking for mud
cause mud has his cpc and evidence act
and mud is not bothering calling him
so i play devils advocate
and i am suppose to inform mat that charlie is after him
how nice
what are the chances he will faint again?

TIRED
first day of work cleaning 4 restaurants
peter, how u tahan sia
fuck
endure
i need money

p.s after all this events, i think i woke up
like i dunno i just snapped out of it
sorry to whoever had the patience
to care for me and not give up on me
i think what i needed was knowing i had friends
who stuck with me even when others didnt care
i love yall
i really dont deserve friends like this
i promise to try my best to not let it happen again

i feel compelled to blog
because of recent events happening
maybe its the stress of school
or whatever

its amazing how one can just blabber and blabber on and on
and not realize the consequence of what your saying
like, do u think before you speak?
do you know how you sound like?
do you know how self-centred and fake you are?

and who are you to judge people
and play devils advocate
and start handing out what you deem as apt punishments
when in reality
your no better?

its amazing really
and with certain friends like the ones you have
who are exactly how you are
the topic always seems to be self involved
and its a never ending circle
cause your friends think its ok, so you think its ok to act the way you do
my eyes have opened up to you
and i realize you will never change
well, i didnt expect any less

yesterday
was guys night out after arab street

fuckingggggggggggggggggg shiok

playing cs with wan,leo,jo,sanji,halim and halim's fren
woooooot
fucking fun
and funny
JIHADDDDDD
then we walked to fort canning park
played hide and seek with jo
sanji freaked out
and we cabbed home
simple, no complications, fun

the way i like it
bitch

she doesnt even realise


well, some choices are out of reach

i will never forget today
so it was directors cup day
we had just won our quarter-final
we were watching the other quarter final match
to see who we would be pitted against

so this chinese team was winning this other indian team
with one minute left
suddenly there was a hard challenge and this small chinese guy
was sent flying to the concrete floor
and he took a hard whack on the head
and he started to convulse and like he had fits
his head had cracked open and blood was flowing out
there was a puddle of blood where his head lay

it was just disgusting and sickening
he started to foam at the mouth and he was still convulsing
when the paramedics arrived
we were all sickened by what happened

the worst thing was that it happened like
right in front of me where i was leaning against the wall
i saw everything
and i heard he didnt sign the indemity form

and i have to go back to school tomorrow
to finish up the tournament
my heart is really not in it man
its gonna be so unsettling
i guess just get it over and done with

i hope he is fine
he is gonna be included in my prayers tonight

its official
the problem lies within
and i guess there is nothing i can do about it

please understand
i am not angry with anyone
i'm not smiling because
i have nothing to look forward to

so yea
if you cant stand me like this
or cant bear to see me like that
whichever
i understand
and i wont show my face

sorry

smoking is not the answer

so
sheppy can wait
he knows its too late
as he's walking on by

his soul slides away
but 'dont look back in anger'
you heard him say

i am confused
and conveyancing isnt helping

i wish sch never started

hmm
cant u see they way your acting?
its so annoying
the world doesnt revolve around you
you dont have to make a big fuss over everything that happens to you
in fact, some of the things dont concern you at all

and stop talking to people and start being all sweet
only when you want something
you dont see it, but i cringe everytime you talk bad about someone
cause actually, your not all that perfect either

and its not nice of you to under-appreciate people
people who have sacrificed a lot to be there for you
when no one else would
you can say its not true
but where there is smoke, there is fire

ok bye

btw i like this picture

You sat me down beside myself
To show me all the reasons
I was wrong for you
Was this for real?
It's hard to tell
Cause it was such a beautiful mess we had got into

I'm gonna overcome this, paper hearts can't win this time
And all along
I should have known this wasn't your dream,
it was mine
I know you wanted me to give up this life to be
Everything I was back when you had the hands my heart was in
I was never good at goodbye



on another note
i love living in singapore
cause only here, can a munjen put on a turban
and the singh it belongs to wont mine
and
voila, u have sangerella singh
friend of shepperstiltskin and bendilocks

fri thru to saturday, was one of the most emotionally and physically draining days of my poly life.

k here's why

fri was planned for us to head down to cine to get my figurines and then to bugis to get a jacket for mr wan, and then to queensway to get my shoes and winsors jeans.

so

wan called me asked me if i could come school at 3 to help carry stuff
''sure!'' answered this naive and enthusiastic boy
i even took a cab
so it turns out, wan and i had to carry a million chairs, 300 thousand tables, 500 balls, 87 cones
50 bibs and 1 board. k that wasnt exact but when ur tired, it seems that way k

but then ruz treated me to ben and jerrys! yay love you
cookie dough somemore woooooo (k i almost wrote coolie dough)

then after shopping, which was fucking funny and I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET WHAT HAPPEN AT MACS,

i headed down to leroy's party
no offence but it was shit ass boring
even when the 89 syndrome kids came
but its always fun trading sarcastic jokes and witty remarks with one another
but with people like peter around, some are lame.damn lame

so we decided it was boring and we headed to katong to play lan
fucking shiokkkkkkkkkk
so we played till like 6 am
and then we headed home where i slept at like 10
and woke up at 11 with the intention to come school for lecture
but the lecturer ended an hour early
so i came when they ended bastard k i would have been there for an hour if it didnt end an hour early cause i came an hour late so i would have an hour's worth of lecture.fuck

then this little event named law fraternity games took place.
ah this
we, the year 2's, were suppose to have a team but miss wendy yu decided soccer was over-publicized and she decided to send one team only, and that was the year 3 team...so leo and i joined volleyball...and we sucked shit ass we were clearly bringing the team down la...

they were all from school team and shit...after a while with my lack of sleep evident, i just wanted to go home la fuck and the sun was scorching like a bitch. but then when the year 3's were already knocked out, leo and i played for them for one game.yay. one game at least i could test out my shoes.

but then the highlight of the day came.

k everyone who was there,knows what happened
so i will just give my 2 cents worth

its funny how people's perception of one can change
last year, everyone use to be raving about you, how you are responsible and shit
maybe u took that to heart, and saw that the whole of law and management's future rests on your shoulder. thats fucked up

you started pulling under-handed tactics and started playing the blame game when someone finds fault with you

wtf

and your ethics,my god dont let me get started
taking pictures of/with girls that are nice enough to pose? and then taking advantage and putting it on your friendster with stupid captions and, this just takes the cake, even putting a collage on your handphone as wallpaper

so back to the stunt u pulled at the LFG yesterday
it was disgusting, disgraceful and just sad
u made marlon brando turn in his grave with what you call acting
only a blind disillusioned soul would have fallen for it
sorry to call miss yu and mr looi that but they fell for it
hook line and sinker
and while you were on the ground
wow u sure took everyone with your winning gesture of leadership huh?
''mr looi, i cant return the key''
so what, u think this cements your place in law inc?
with the support of the lecturers?
fuck
now, i have totally lost all respect for you
as a human being and as a member of law inc

maybe i am so pissed cause one of your unethical actions you did struck a raw nerve with me
but whatever, your pissing everyone off with every single hi and goodbye and stupid suggestions like using the field goal post on the astro turf

k enough i was so fucking pissed when i went home
fucking pissed

k time for soccer

bye

argh its fucking 330 am and i cant sleep
and tmr lecture at 9
leadership
i promise myself i am gonna attend every lecture
even the intro ones
and even those that are my only subjects for a whole day in school
yes tmr, or rather today, its just that lecture for an hour

fuck

i am gonna start my lord of the rings miniatures collection again
cause its so fucking cool
wins and i were fooling around with what i had left from sec3
cause i gave a lot away when i shifted
and the urge and impulsiveness just took over
i spent like 2k? on the collection
and now i have to find a way to balance buying new miniatures and saving for the bangkok trip
help
and i need to buy new brushes and paints
cause my paints from sec3 have all dried up
i will try to take pictures of my miniatures
and post them
if i have perked your curiousity
so at least yall know what to get me for my birthday

i think this has been the longest that i havnt updated

k anyway, school starts in two days
i am gonna be more serious
and i am getting more and easily irritated with things happening around me
well more than usual
dont know why

k anyway
my aunt is inviting my family, along with hers', to watch the
spongebob showcase in singapore
ha
the best thing is, she says in the email if we get a party of 8,
we get to meet the characters backstage
how cool is that?
i cant be fucked to go
but its for my little ang moh cousin, sean william smart,
and i love him to bits
so if need be, i shall go
but someone please come with me

and my ulcers are back
good timing rite
when school is about to start
fantastic

and ridhwan
please look after me this sem
thank you

i was blog-hopping
and i came across this

I read this from the second book I finished this week:
Today's modern women should know that a gentleman hoping to entice her will employ one of the two methods: either a straightforward, direct approach, or a more subtle, gentle wooing. Sadly, as with most matters, few gentlemen consider which method the lady might casually prefer - until it's too late. -Jacquie D'Alessandro's Love and the single Heiress.

I would like to add-on the above quote, for it made me explore further into the heads of fellow womankind and.... to kill boredom. When I first glanced through the paragraph, I shrugged it off as being intuitive. I mean, what other ways are there other then being either straightforward or subtle in wooing someone? Then, I realized the gist of the whole paragraph is how most men realize the correct method to exploit only too late and it isn't even their fault.. at least, not entirely.. How was a man to know what method to work with is safer when women are just so unpredictable.. yes, admit it..

I am not trying to sound philosophical because I know that I cannot make it because I am not. Each method has its shiats and plus-points. I can't even tell if I prefer one over the other. Tell me if you can. (I would really respect that as it is definitely not an easy decision even though it appears to be.) HOW can a man know? When most of us, fickle-minded beings don't..

I know straightforward courtship(s) can reflect that the man in question is daring, manly, courageous and very sure about what he's doing and doesn't mind baring his feelings when sometimes, possibilities of being reciprocated are as slim as Kate Moss's ankles. Mind you.. these qualities are very very very desirable. I dare say almost every women would succumb to the idea of having a protective, dependent and macho partner.. It is just that the level of tolerance may defer in different people and at different times. I mentioned we are volatile creatures.. no? However, such sudden launch of wooing may panic us and our body alarm will go off thinking that ourselves couldn't be the only person being courted so directly. The man may sadly be stamped on the forehead with the word 'dangerous' in our minds. Many may tip to the extreme by even thinking that the man is a male chauvinistic pig (MCP). Sad, but, often true.

In the case of subtle, gentle wooing, chances of ending up being friends (really good ones..) are every so often. The poor guy may be stereotyped as being wishy-washy, even worst - ball-less or hum. What sad sad world we live in. Besides feeling sorry for these guys, I have to say, the method they chose is not wrong. In fact, it is far from it. They can be seen as mature adults who know that giving women enough and duly-deserved (and sometimes long period of..) attention is definitely necessary and gentlemanly. Another set of very sought-after personalities can surface from such method and just to remind everyone.. not every woman is blind. A man can be seen as sincere, patient and very very very smitten with the lady. *BIG PLUS POINT!

=/

yesterday at 2am
was one of the best days of the holidays
ridhwan called me at 2am
and said,''shep go get ready and change, we going out''
i was flabbergasted and was like wtf
and as it turned out
jo and halim had already picked up wan in jo's van
so i snuck out of the house
and jo came in his van, scrapped my kerb and i clambered in

so we went to eat at simpang i honour of halim's birthday
we had illegal sheesha and many many prata
shiok
and we talked, and laughed and it was fucking fun
wooooooooooooooooooo

so the people at raffles place stopped replying to my email once they heard i could only work for 2 weeks.
die.next holidays cannot go bangkok already shahira, no money
sorry
so all i that i have been doing this holidays
is
run?
guitaring?
fuck so boring
i half want school to start
and the other half hates school cause its a depressing place
with emphasis on grades, looks and social status
no one can be themselves anymore
and you dont know who really are your friends
like you get the feeling they talk to you and stuff
but like, they really wont give a fuck if your not there
and you actually sense that they would prefer you not be there
its quite easy to spot actually
just the attitude they show towards you and their 'real' friends
-no salutations when yall meet
-forced conversations
-maybe polite smile and laughters
yea thats one of the many signs

if i was like
crippled or something
i would have killed myself a long long time ago
cause then i wouldnt even have soccer
and do you know
killing yourself is our way of saying to god
''you cant fire me, i quit''
yes

but dont worry
i wont kill myself(even if yall care)
cause i know that when you kill yourself
you hurt the people that love you the most
and in fact, you wont solve anything at all
so yes i wont be killing myself
anytime soon

on a brighter note
..................................................
................................................
..............................................

k i couldnt think of anything

p.s winsor: i am still holding you to our reservoir runs once school starts ah. i have been training and i can run 3.2km already!

p.s wan: dont skulk away you are joining us

hello can i share with yall this
i was watching my wife and kids
and its fucking funny

husband:you've got something on your chin
fat wife's friend: where?(checks chin)
husband:no the other one,no the lower one, no the lowest one
wife:dont talk to my friend like that!
fat friend: no its alright, i have to run anyway
husband: yea you have to run, and do sit ups and crunches and diet
fat friend: i will dedicate my life to make your's miserable! even if i live till 150
husband: yea well that gives you about 4 more years

=) well i have to do something to take my mind off the depressing things so yea

10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself?
You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return.
I am a God of Love.
Love Me.
Love your neighbors.
But also love yourself.
It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong.
You are very precious to me.
Don't ever forget......

maybe sleeping at 5am everyday has its advantages
i find time to blog
cause during normal sane hours,
i am either running, playing soccer, at sangs house
or just fucking lazy

anyway
yay orange county are the champions of catholeague 2006!
after 3 years in this tournament with 2 different teams, i finally came in 1st!
wooooooo
we won after the game went to penalties
it was a tough game la
both teams fighting it out hammer and tongs
first half was definitely knobus's
but second half belonged to OC

AND I DIDNT CHEAT ACCORDING TO GLENN
whatever happened to ''accidently and unintentionally brushed my arm''
tsk tsk

the penalties were taken by peter raj, iggy and me
all converted expertly
i took the winning and deciding one! =D
wooo
proudest moment of my life k hahahaha
damn shiok
me lifting the trophy =D

k stop cringing i wont blow my own horn anymore
bastards

*your the closest to heaven that i'll ever be and i dont wanna go home right now*

omg i am so sick of myself
i can find so many ways to think of myself as a failure compared to the people around me
in every single aspect
grades,job,friendship or whatever
and it's so fucking annoying
cause i dont want to
it just hits me

grr fuck

anyway 3 more days to the finals
i actually have a good feeling about it
the bad thing is so do the knobus people

And we lay, we lay together
just not too close, too close
(How close is close enough?)
=/

motion city soundtrack, erica sent me this photo to gloat

yay orange county made it to the catholeague finals....
the team we were playing against, BG boys,
set out their stalls to defend from the very first whistle
so it was deadlocked all the way till penalties
and we won via penalties
kudos to the penalty takers for having the guts to step up and take one

so our finals will be held at stpats this sunday
against knobus, the team i played for last year
in the same competition and also reached the finals
ha come support if you can thank you

and i am quite proud of myself
because i am taking my cutting down of cigarettes seriously
last week, i smoked 10 sticks in one week
when it used to be five a day

and when i went to forbidden city at indochine on sat
i bought a pack, smoked like 5
then thought wtf am i doing
and gave the rest of the pack away
=)

yay

i enjoy reading my eldest sister's blog
i was reading thru her previous entries
and its so funny
what a pity she stopped blogging

i was reading thru my previous entries
and i was (am,whatever) so fucking immature
and stupid and i blogged like a caveman
with no paragraphing or anything
just a chunk of redundant rubbish

eugh i felt so bad earlier whilst out with the family
because i was quiet and brooding
and my eldest sis said,''when your tired, your quiet and its boring''
but i wasnt tired
i wished i could just tell her everything happening to me,the reason why i am ''emo''
but i thought it would seem insignificant to someone about to start her own family

i think a waitering job beckons
and i think any question that anyone asks me now that begins with a ''why?''
my answer would very simply be 'i cant be bothered'

and to the 2 of yall
i dont know what happened
or how it happened
but whatever happened, happened
i know we are just best friends by name
and i know some people say this
for the sake of saying
but if you really need someone to talk to,
someone to just make one of you smile
someone to just ease the pain
someone who knows yall since ''childhood''
i am here, emo or not
and i mean it

i miss god
his presence within me
i havnt been to church for ages
and the last few time i went, it was with my friends
and i cant lie and say we were all quiet and listened and were attentive

i have no one to turn to who can really help me and make me feel better in recent times
i really think i am in a slump now
this was when i realized that i really need the direction that god provided me in past years
when i was scared, i would pray
when i was happy, i would pray
when i was sad, i would pray
before i sleep every night, i would pray
now, i hardly pray, only when i am in church

i dont know what happened
maybe i took him for granted
but now, i really wanna just run to him
and bawl my eyes out
and let everything that has been troubling me, out
so i can start a new chapter of my life
cause seriously, the one i am in now has been drawn out long enough
with enough unhappy endings

but there's something holding me back
i have this mindset where i condone people who turn to god
when they only want something
like for example;
someone who hasnt gone to church for ages, suddenly praying asking god for good grades?
i dont like this, i find it stupid cause your only turning to him cause you want something
after you get it, you just go ''thanks god'' and you carry on your life without him
only praying again when you want something

i cant help but think i am only turning to him cause i feel lost
then once i am back on track, poof i disappear
i keep telling myself that i wont
but who knows?

help me lord
fight this loneliness
take this pain away

i love you god
i miss you
i need you

more pictures from zouk!!! read the previous entry for details of 'the zouk experience'

this was what i meant by the guitarist being emotional....hahaha but damn cute laa





jill and sa!!! chance meeting!!

oh ya did i mention that stacie oricco looked at me twice when she was singing...yes not once, but twice...she must have liked what she saw... mahahaha and no wan, she wasnt looking at you...hahaha damn funny la he was smoking when she turned TO LOOK AT ME and he was like,''fuck i was smoking, now got bad impression'' hahahahahaha

stacie oricco performance 8pm zouk

ah so the performance by stacie oricco...haha let me take you thru the details k
she arrived late, like 8.45 then the freaking introduction was like half an hour
stupid vernon A and justin ang, making lame jokes
she sang for like 40 mins? then she left
but she sang well, and we all(including wan and i) sung along to 'there's gotta be more to life'
hahahahha
yes damnnn short laaa the performance but luckily the tickets were free
and i had mr ridhwan to laugh at every single thing...hahahaha damn funny la the guitarist

anddddddd guess what? missus jill and alyssa happened to be there too!! haha damn coincidental laaa...so after the 'ever so long performance', we all met up and i met my cousins at zouk!! another coincidence...cool old people...haha so wan and alyssa like left so damn fast laaa stupid pasir ris people...then tanya beins came and we all clubbed till 3-4? my sister was there too...and during the one too many frequent toilet breaks by missus tanya, i saw denise, the law senior..she asked me where are the rest of the law people, and i said they were busy studying mahahaha! its true k

then i saw more ex patricians and mr kai ming..who asked me to go to the new urban male party at zouk next thurs...i might go, considering how much fun i had yesterday...so after clubbing, where jill got wasted, we headed down to simpang.. where we fooled around before heading home...k seriously this was just what the doctor ordered after all the shit happening..why cant everyday be like this?

our emo picture at the pool place, after lunch and before the concert...we, or rather they, ate at es teler this indo restaurant kinda thing...

hahahahahahahha another candid leo photo...with wan distracting and my fast fingers clicking

k more photos next entry cause i think i am stuck...someone teach me how to upload pictures properly pleaseeeee

nothing is cheering me up
hmmm
not even the videos that wan put up of us in youtube
maybe cause i have seen it too many times

well hopefully tmr will be better
cause wan and i are going for the stacie orrico concert in zouk
yes, two 18-yr old boys are going for a stacie oricco concert
hope we have fun

sorry if i dun reply to the tags regarding my results and shit
i just dont know what to say
but thanks anyway
appreciate it
you people are the only ones keeping me sane
and the reason why i dont wanna just give up and die

it hurts when something you eagerly await for a week
turns out so disappointing and so totally not what you expect
fuck it hurts when you expect at least some B's finally after a year and a half of poly life
and you still see the fucking friendly faces of C's and D's
fuck
i didnt even aim to do so fucking well and get all A
i just wanted to pull up my fucking pathetic GPA of 2.01
wow thanks it came 2.04
fuck
so fucking what if i didnt get supps?
i studied too hard to even be thinking of supps
ah fuck la
fuck it

i dont wanna go overseas
i am afraid.
afraid to meet new people, afraid to be alone, afraid to miss my family and friends
i know its stupid and fucking dumb but i am scared k?

maybe i should find out more about the private U shit
if my dad wont pay for me
guess i will have to juggle school with work till end of year 3
since i am actively finding for a job now
maybe i should just stay on
then fuck personal enjoyment cause i think i am having too much of it anyway

argh i hate this

i wish i was special
you're so fucking special
but i am a creep
i'm a weirdo
what the hell am i doing here?

I dont care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When Im not around
Youre so fuckin special
I wish I was special

i realised that i talk a lot about my soccer team OC but havnt shown any pictures soooo
photos of my team OC in our recent match at jalan besar stadium
(OC stands for orange county, aptly named cause we wear orange)

Peter chai, the guy in yellow, is not actually the keeper but its just that our keeper for that day wanted to play up so pete volunteered to be keeper...

next are photos of me leading the warm up.... UP!

DOWN!!!

hahaha playing with this bunch of monkeys is damn fun laaa...they are all fucking solid and with peter chai playing alongside me, i dont have to do shit...serious

k anyway, today job hunting was a dud...it felt more like an outing sia...so many jokes, cock up moments and waste time phone calls...in the end, wan and i went to eastpoint where i checked if the pet safari were hiring cause i want to work with animals...thats why i hang out with wan...MAHAHAHA k kidding ah dun emo...so it turns out they werent, so wan and i retreated to peters house to slack...where wan eventually left and i played soccer at simei court...wooo

so tomorrow, or rather today, will be job hunting day 2....in town....most prob Borders....hope they are hiring....SHAHIRA WHEN IS ARAB STREETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT???

hmmm i was just watching Becker, the tv show
and there was this scene that was so fucking sad for a comedy

Jake, the resident blind guy, actually opened the door for a burglar and let him escape because well, he was blind. So he was feeling damn bad and shit and he said this,

''When i wake up everyday, I think like I am any average guy on the street. I have a job, i have friends, i lead a normal life. But sometimes, something like this happens and it reminds me i am not like any average guy. i am blind, i am handicapped''

fuck i felt damn sad la...k just felt like sharing that with yall...so tomorrow is job-hunting day one...hope it stops there...i need a jobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

yesterday i spent time with my old friends,sangeet and winston
and it was exactly these times that i missed
we chilled at sangs house for ages,doing stupid things like screaming and shouting
fucking funny...can u picture sangeet screaming? yes exactly

then we went to blk 85 to eat and we spent like 3 hours there
just the three of us talking about random things and laughing and making frens with the
drinks uncle cause he was captivated by my mandarin linguistic skills
but we had this funny conversation with him anyway

uncle: that will be 4.20
sang(after one sip): uncle one more sugar cane(when the uncle just put his down)
uncle(shocked): huh?? i just gave
sang: ya one more
uncle (trying to regain his coolness): oh can can...10 more also can
sang: ok if free, i want ten

so the uncle left, then came back with sangs sugar cane

uncle: k nah 1.20
sang: not free ah uncle?
uncle(after collecting money): k now free HAHAHAHAHAHA(he started laughing hysterically)
me: uncle, we give you one chicken wing, you give us free drink ah
uncle: for what i want chicken wing?

k at this point he started rambling and we regretted talking to him...and after our table, he started talking to every table he served...like he now sees himself like some cool, suave frenly new age drinks uncle...and winston might get me a job with him at an office! yes desk job! yes weekends free! yay

i think i should go back to my year one after school life

as though the current situation wasnt bad enough, it got worse
why hold this back for so long and pretend everything is alright?
but maybe you do have a point,
maybe we have been too mean and selfish and not thinking about others

k i apologise for whatever part i played in this
we obviously were wrong when we believed you when you told us you were ok
and thanks for not telling us the truth all along cause you were afraid we, your friends, might bitch about you
so yes we shall stop
and i think
personally, i should stop period in case i am hurting more people
yes yes no more incessant teasings...

ah i am so fucking confused now
confused over every single fucking thing in my life
who's at fault and whose to blame?
what is she/he thinking and why is he/she doing this?
what am i suppose to do?
this applies to so many fucking things, its fucking crazy
fuck

today was soccer at safra changi..also known as NSRCC

to some enlightened people, this was the place that i used to work as a bowling alley guy
yes snicker all u want
anyway, they recently built a street soccer court there
and while walking around, i saw some familiar faces that were there when i still worked there
and are still there...nostalgia

anyway, i managed to take a photo of mr sangeet teo

hahaha damn cute la...and we were all quite excited to play at that court, cause we thought confirm no mats la...since got booking all, no HDB blocks around all but lo and behold,


a mat!!! then we saw more and more and we were all like fuck!!!

but luckily for us, they were not affiliated in any way to one another, and what this poor soul did was to sit outside and just watch longingly....anyway, we are all set for the chalet and my dad gave me some alcohol!!! woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo time for some fun and enjoyment!! CANT FUCKING WAIT

BIG GROUP DINNER GANG ACT

CHAPTER 1

Short Title

1. This Act may be cited as the Big Group Dinner Gang Act

Interpretation

2.In this Act, unless the context otherwise requires,

''necessities'' means cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or anything that makes one high as shit.

''BGDG'' means Big Group Dinner Gang.

''Albino moose, Honourary and Minion membership'' is the hierarchy of membership. Refer to Schedule A for requirements.

''outing'' means outing

''verbal abuse'' means taunts, making fun of, disturb, ''he make me''

''madonna walk'' means ask priya.

''Techno'' means the coffeeshop with techno

3.Behaviour during outing,

(1) Anyone who spoils the mood, by being emo, insulting too much or generally being an ass, shall be stoned to death

(2) Anyone late for outings by 5 mins shall receive verbal abuse(see interpretation) from different members about their weight, height or area of residence.

a) Anyone late by 10 mins shall be ignored up till the offending party has purchased drinks of at least 3 bucks for every member on time.

b) Anyone late by half an hour and more, can turn around and go home. We already left.

3) Anyone caught whispering to another BGDG member with the intention of not letting the whole group know shall be forced to stand on the chair and proclaim,

'' KNOW WHAT?? I AM HAVING MY PERIOD''.

This applies to guys also.

4. Outings( refer to interpretation section for the word outing)

1. The chairman has to organise outings at least once every fortnight. BGDG cannot frequent the same place more than twice a month. Its boring. Failure to do so will result in a mutiny where the chairman shall be made to do a madonna walk(see interpretation) and the vice chairman shall take temporary control with an option to a referendum.

2. Techno is a must everytime 3 or more members stay in Temasek Polytechnic till after 7 p.m.

3. Failure to attend 2 meetings in a row must be accompanied with an MC or parents letter. Secretary shall announce absentee and appropriate action will be taken. Punishments include verbal abuse or even expulsion

4. Awkward silence during an outing will result in the selection of random members by the chairman to create a topic to play the ''ultimate challenging game''.

5. Funds

1. Contrary to popular belief, the treasurer does not pay for bills with his own money. Before outings, members are to hand the treasurer an appropriate amount, to the discretion of the treasurer, and this will be used to pay the bill.

2. No misappropriation of funds are allowed. Exception; the purchasing of necessities(see interpretation).

THE SCHEDULE

Appointment of minions

1. Minions. The people who make up the numbers or join BGDG on the spur of the moment or out of formality or when the funds are low.

Requirement: Attend at least 1 outing with BGDG and have made at least 2 members higher than the rank of minion laugh earnestly.

Appointment of Honourary Members

1. Honourary Members. Real members of BGDG. People whose company we enjoy and people who are enthusiastic about outings.

Requirements: Attend at least 3 BDGD outings and made half the whole group laugh earnestly. Talking about problems and help with school counts, as BGDG is not all about eating and having fun, but also about sharing the pain, identifying true friends, and shifting out people you can count on =)

Appointment of Albino Moose Members

1.The elite members of BGDG. The heart and soul of BGDG.

Requirements: Must have planned at least 2 outings and must have an internal ranking within BGDG. However, those with ranking must have done something.

Illustration A; Wei loong is quartermaster of BGDG, but he hasnt done shit.

Illustration B; Ding is secretary but do you see attendance being taken?

Revocation of appointment

1. It is up to the discretion of the chairman and 2 other Albino Moose Members to revoke the membership of a BGDG member. A vote must be made and the loser has to fuck off.

=============================the end=================================

i needed to cheer myself up cause of accounts and my dad so yea

i thought of this( with help from our chairman and vice chairman of course)

hope the BGDG peeps liked it haha =)

Some pictures of minions, honouraries and albino mooses...heehee

again i reiterate that BGDG is not all about eating. the bonds we share are special and please be there for each other. I know i will but will you?

today marked the end of contract
but more importantly
it was the birthday of the wonderous and exalted chairman of bgdg
so after our contract paper, we trooped down to the airport
for fish & co

and i dun think i should have new york fish and chips or whatever its called
ever again...i felt damn sick and full
its like having 2003454 cheesecakes in one go
i can never eat this sort of filling stuff...like pasta and shit
and we had to wear party hats....haha

and then we played a mass games
improvised and altered to fit like 10 people
damn funny la priya...
madonna wannabe?
hee hee

I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
maybe I'll win
and maybe i will be someone worth calling a friend
sorry

Tribute to ruzainah binte hussein:

thanks ruz! you rock for giving me that ipod cover
i was damn touched when i saw it
it really made my day thank you thank you!
i am glad we got over that thing in year one where the first words u ever said to me were
''BASTARD''
haha =) thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu
ruz is the one on the left for all you ignorant people


shahira binte anuar:

Happy birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy in advance or something
haha we are all wearing green just for you tomorrow
so yes that shows how much we all care for you and respect your craziness
i bet if i were to ask everyone to wear red or something
everyone would just say shut up la you stupid ang moh
so yes
happy birthday again!!!!

i love yalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

i think i finally know why i chose to support newcastle
cause i can relate to them
we both have lots of promise,potential to do well
but we always fail to deliver
they turn in disappointing results week afer week
i turn in disappointing results sem after sem

we constantly frustrate the people around us:
newcastle frustrates the fans
i frustrate my friends
we both know that we are capable of better
and we think that by having quick fix solutions,
all of our problems will go away

well, newcastle and me
have never got it more wrong

today was by far the most productive day of studying
i think coming school to study seriously is good
and i think for the upcoming exams, i feel the most prepared for any exam since year 1
so i think i should be able to do well
its just that i wish i didnt play and had been more serious in year 1
fuck how to pull up a gpa of 2.01
i did the maths with wan and best case scenario, my gpa will be 2.7 or 2.8 by end of year 2
and thats best case scenario with a gpa of like 3 each sem...
i probably cant go out anymore la if i wanna go to a singapore U
fuck
regrets

so for today after studying, i went for youth mass duty
and after that, played lan after the longest time (hence gpa of 2.01 in year 1)
and on the way back, we got pulled over by a roadblock
my first ever, fucking exciting la
i was damn scared for anything that was contraband in my bag
and like the car infront of us got away and
the policeman flashed his flashlight into our cab and motioned for us to pullover
we all had to get out and produce our ic's...
then another cab got pulled over
and this indian man got out angry and shit
he said
''what the hell is this? roadblock? am i drinking? huh huh what do you want? ic? ic? nah take''
then he took his ic and threw it on the bonnet of the cab...damn drama la
all the cops went to him and they forgot about us
we wanted to stay and watch but the cabfare was running so fuck it

and speaking of being serious
i am gonna play for leo's team in a match in 4 hrs time..ironyyyyyyyyyyyyy
and i am not gonna sleep cause i confirm oversleep
so its studying then play soccer
then study again after that
ah fuck

fucking singaporean education

and i think i need to stop caring for those who obviously dun give a fuck about me

just when i thought things were picking up;
my ulcers had disappeared
my dad hasnt been so rampag-y for a while
my coursework grades have been satisfactory

some signs of it going downhill appeared
my mum like took over the mantle and is fucking me up now
starting to panic for cp and contract and accounts
but more importantly i can feel fucking ulcers coming on
and thats the worse cause i dun want the fucking ulcers to hit me during the chalet week
cause i cant talk and i cant enjoy myself and thats fucked up

if my ulcers occur during the chalet period, i think i shouldnt come cause i wouldnt want my fucking emoness to affect anyone's mood there
and i wouldnt want anyone to worry for me, if anyone does that is...
so yea its bonjela and water for me for the next week or so
if not, then no chalet for me i guess =/
but please, i so wanna be a part of this chalet
after all that wan has gone thru
i wanna enjoy the time there with some of the best people in the world =(

and having ulcers always makes me recollect all the bad things that have happened to me over the past few months so excuse my random emoness thru motion or words(msn)

sorry!
please excuse my unreasonable actions =/

just when i thought things were picking up;
my ulcers had disappeared
my dad hasnt been so rampag-y for a while
my coursework grades have been satisfactory

some signs of it going downhill appeared
my mum like took over the mantle and is fucking me up now
starting to panic for cp and contract and accounts
but more importantly i can feel fucking ulcers coming on
and thats the worse cause i dun want the fucking ulcers to hit me during the chalet week
cause i cant talk and i cant enjoy myself and thats fucked up

if my ulcers occur during the chalet period, i think i shouldnt come cause i wouldnt want my fucking emoness to affect anyone's mood there
and i wouldnt want anyone to worry for me, if anyone does that is...
so yea its bonjela and water for me for the next week or so
if not, then no chalet for me i guess =/
but please, i so wanna be a part of this chalet
after all that wan has gone thru
i wanna enjoy the time there with some of the best people in the world =(

and having ulcers always makes me recollect all the bad things that have happened to me over the past few months so excuse my random emoness thru motion or words(msn)

sorry!
please excuse my unreasonable actions =/

i am bored with studying
so i have decided to dedicate this blog entry
to people who always say,''you know, i looked damn different in year 1''
so yea i decided to do some research and my conclusion is
YAAAAAAAAAAAAA BALLLLLSSSS

hahahahah xue ting(before)

after! thats why people always say,''who is that? never seen her before'' and this is the guys' after pic as well...
winsor wan and me...wan wore that shirt once, and never did anymore and he looks thinner...i look younger i think..hmmm winsor looks the same...cause he never send me his austin lookalike picture..hahaha

YEAR ONE SHAHIRA!!! HAHAHAHAHAH

seeeee isnt she all pretty and stuff...mahaha RUZZZZZZZ hehehehe

haha k to me she looks the same...maybe cause in the sands of time, one year doesnt make a difference when u have seen a hundred...hahahaha i love youuuuuuuuuuuuu

Shi ying hahaha gorgeous??

shi ying now....hahaha

hahha that was fucking fun

k yall can stop hating me now...haha

sorry la k next time yall decide to say ''i looked different in year 1'', stop yourselves cause somewhere out there, a irritating fat and ugly ang moh guy might just take a collage and put on his blog..like what just happened...so yes

p.s people who werent from 01, your not spared...mahahah

*watch this space*

it seems recently i have been pissing a lot of people off
nice msn conversations suddenly erupt and turn sour
a tit-for-tat conversation with a fren suddenly turns into a shouting match
and i am on my chair at home or in school wondering
''what the fuck happened?''

i dunno maybe i am too blame
maybe i have been too overbearing
and insensitive to people's feelings
especially the ones that always endure my tauntings and just absorb it

i think i am having fun at too many others expense
fuck, i am a horrible human being
i think i need to change

on another note, newcastle bought obafemi martins
yay =/

the past few days have been a flurry of activity
mainly soccer and planning
soccer was at jalan besar stadium
everyone was kinda excited about it
playing at an actual stadium and stuff
but i didnt do the occasion justice as i played like shit
hopefully it was just tiredness from the morning game
but yea, probably not a valid excuse

and the planning thing wasnt as properly covered as we hoped it to be
lotsa flaws and stuff we overlooked
but constructive criticism is always good
so yea hopefully we can all work together
and everything goes smoothly
i would like to add more thoughts about the chalet
but some things are better kept as that, thoughts
hope we did something good at least
hope it turns out to be fun

and exams are coming
and i am not doing shit
why am i so easily distracted
its annoying
and bad enuff that i am distracted
and i distract others as well fuck
arghhhh

and things at home have been better
i guess my sis got thru to my dad
and my dad must have did some self reflection
cause he asked me some qns
which i was shocked at
hope we both can like
compromise and accomodate

alright time for me to tell myself to study
but probably end up doing some other shit
bye

i'm depressed

why the fuck has newcastle not bought anyone?
are they sure they want to start the season with foluwashola ameobi?
the only thing consistent about him is his inconsistency
fuck
but i am kinda glad they didnt get dirk kuyt as well
to me, he hasnt like shown he can take over shearer
and fuck la i think its another season of heartbreak being a newcastle fan
maybe leo was right when he said i would be happier supporting another club
instead of being angry everytime they throw away points during the weekends

but i dunno, i just cant fanthom supporting another club
to me, newcastle like represents my childhood
the passion, the vigour, the heart
not to mention it would go against everything i hate about club-hopping

but fuck la, newcastle give me some hope please

on another note, i have something exciting to do to keep my mind off the exams
so cool!! hahahha yay when it pulls off, its gonna be fucking satisfying
i can just imagine all your faces =)

argh what is the world coming to

• people have livejournals where its impossible to leave comments(wei loong, how the fuck?)
• people think female crocs are nice
• THE SAME PERSON THINKS THAT SOME PEOPLE LOOK NICE IN ''SEXY'' SLEEPWEAR
• photocopying 2 books at ITAS costs 4 fucking fifty....like what the hell..i didnt ask for gold plated binding with words encrypted with diamonds
• on the bus today, a nonya picked her nose, did the annie gomez hair flick combo, then wiped her face....ah now for lunch
• there are too many ants at the reservoir
• its getting too fucking hot
• my english has deteriorated to the level of a quintessential mat in the throes of typical void deck activity having a ball of a time...haha what the fuck did i just type..seriously my english is shit now..
• there are too many conflicts in a week, month, sem or even a year to have...but it gives something to gossip about...but its not good
• alvin(tan, mind you not mr gullible alvin fat soh) believed that i was a year 3 student repeating the module of legal communication skills just cause i wore a law inc shirt...he believed it for 5 freaking minutes...do i look that stupid..
• and, why do i get this feeling i am gonna fail everything i sit for in 2 weeks time?

i hate my fren
motion city soundtrack is one of my favourite bands
and when she migrated to canada, she arrived in time to catch
THE WARPED TOUR

that is like this major festival where cool bands like MCS and brand new, not nsync and rooster
perform and stuff
i was making fun of her
saying that hopefully when she goes, all the crap bands play
but fuck
it backfired
and she recorded it la the bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
haha and my favourite part too
YOU ARE SENDING ME THE VIDEO I DONT CAREEEE

on another note
i need to start studying seriously
cause right now, seriously i am seriously stupid
and seriously gonna fuck up in my exams, like seriously
like always then, seriously
k shep serious, start studying seriously
serious

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
my super long nice entry lost itself in the super massive blackhole known as blogger.com
so this is a summary cause i lost all inspiration that i had when i did the earleir entry
sob

alrite i went for this national day party at the eurasian association which was named
RED AND WHITE DAY
unfortunately, my dad failed to inform us that it was a seniors party
so everyone there was like 65++++ no kidding
ruz would have felt right at home
hehe sry couldnt resist
so it was freeflow
jazz, rhumba, and cha cha
with old people line-dancing, square-dancing
but of course, the music was very softtt
but it was kinda sweet la
seeing old people enjoy themselves and all
and they can be quite boisterous also

anyway some pictures from our own national day party
the people
shahira, me and nez Ding trying to be like me and look smart(note: its impossible dear)

THE BEST FOR LAST:FIRST TIME LEO POSED WILLINGLY FOR ME WOOOOOO