Let's get fucked up and die
I'm speaking figuratively, of course
Like the last time that I committed suicide.. social suicide
So I'm already dead on the inside,
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,I have learned to love the lie

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense
let me in to the club, cause I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds
And all the things that don't get old
Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself through other peoples' descriptions of life
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless
Let's get fucked up and die.

For the last time with feeling
we'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
That still shock and surprise
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being,maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die

anyway, i am fucking pissed at you...
at law games, you were fucking making unneccesary noise and what do u say?
''to all those who told me to shut up during soccer..SOCCER IS NEVER A QUIET GAME''
u put this as ur fucking msn nick? soccer is never a quiet game because people make CONSTRUCTIVE noise...and not say,''AIYA ONE GOAL ONLY NVM NVM'' and u said that with the intention of us hearing that...
what the hell? on the day itself, you cant come up to us and say this?
after the games, i tried to find for you and you couldnt be seen anywhere
and now, u put this nick behind the safety of ur computer screen?

anyway, you cant hide behind your computer everyday
one day we shall have our nice chat

p.s go ahead and be lame if u wanna copy and paste and laminate and show this blog to the lecturers. maybe you would be cooler and have that fame you always craved.

so today i headed to cineleisure to catch up with my stranger fren, erica.
this girl is weird...like really weird...anyway we watched lady in the water
there is more to the story then what the title suggests...haha
its was ok la...so miss-i-am-migrating had to go church so she left...and i wont see her till december..like whats so good about canada rite..monkey..
PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH THANK YOU

SOME PICS:

this is her...there was actually another picture but she didnt wanna send me cause she looked short...so yes...i have to look dumb to compensate for it....girls hmmph
this guy was the reason why we lost the finals...abdillah( the one in white)..fucking good
wan winsor and me
marcus and me...marcus, the reason we got to the finals sia soccer

special thanks to shahira for taking the pictures

but no thanks for so little of me

bum

woo
back from law games soccer
and
the adrenaline has worn off
i can feel all the aches and pains
BUT NO CRAMP MR LEO KEBLEO

mahahaha
anyway back to law games
we finished second place, we being marcus leo halim alvin skinny, and fat and me.
we ended up second in our group after winning 2 and losing one,so we made it to the semi finals

and it was this event that i dun think i will forgot in a hurry
we were 2- nil down la with the seniors playing well and shit
everyone was frustrated and i actually shouted at alvin(fat) and i felt damn bad after that
so somehow we got a goal back and suddenly it isnt like all lost.

this is the part where like, its beyond description
its like all the year 2's suddenly just cheered and shouted and got behind us
it was like an extra man playing in our team so we picked up our game
and we actually won 4-2
and it felt extra satisfying for me because i got the icing-on-the-cake last goal
and it felt good cause i had been playing like shit.

so after the match, with all the year 2's cheering and stuff
it felt so surreal and after the finals, which we massively lost 4-1, i like, got enlightened
all the cheering and stuff really pushed us, and those people who came to support us, with no interest in soccer whatsoever, really deserved the prizes at the end of the day

people like: ridhwan, winsor, shahira ruz, inez, ding, aqilah, lisa, wei loong, michelle, shi ying, zhenlin, geri, ling na, the year ones like inderpal and kenneth and whoever i missed, i am sorry

so what if they were in subcomm for the law games, or law inc members, or bored or there to watch cute guys(u know who u are), they still came and gave their support. this people really spurred us on and i am forever grateful

like after the whole thing, i was in a daze and wondered around aimlessly
hugging people, thanking them for coming and i felt stupid
but the a hug was the only way to show my sincerity
like what shake hands?
anyway i really really am thankful k
and now i know, my friends will always be there for me
rite?

p.s pictures up soon

listening to the muse
is making me feel suicidal

then i listened to i wanna fuck a dog
and i feel like fucking a.....

k enough

can i state down an observation please?

i think its amazing how in year 1, we were all anti-social bastards

everyone had their own class to have lunch with, sit with and stuff
no socializing outside of their own safe classes

and now, its like
everyone is linked to one another
everyone is frens with one another

like today
after accounts test we all ate as one

and one wasnt like, ''oh my class is 01 yours is 04''

i mean one as in LAW, as one

so cool

i like

i came home damn hyper
and then i listened to songs by the muse
and they are fucking emo
so now i am fucking emo

but i shant blog emo-ly

todays match was held at ping yi instead of stpats
god knows why
so we beat the ex champions of catholeague 4-2
woooo really did our confidence no harm
and they are sore losers la
not all of them
some

shouting at everyone
ref,linesmen anyone
even their own teammates
what makes our team stand out against the rest is our unity and spirit

anyway,
ate with OC after the game
and i havnt done that with them for a very long time
and its fun really

well back to school

special mention to wan and winsor
thanks for coming
love u guys

woot
law investiture was pretty cool
i think log comm was fantastic
strong, athletic, fit, muscular
and that was just me

hahahaha no la
i am just kidding k
walau

but really
under the guidance of ridhwan bin abdul rahim
sports secretary of law inc and log comm head for law investiture 2007/2007,
i think we, halim jo winsor wan leo marcus and myself, did things efficiently and were inconspicious enough
and special thanks to ding for following us to the 3rd floor with every intention to carry desks with us but just held the door open for us....THIS IS NOT SARCASM

anyway, i think law investiture was alrite, like i found it tolerable
investitures in sec school were boring as shit
so yea
congrats to WL Ruz and that idiot who called me shrek, KL

and congrats to deco team

so after law investiture, we cleared up the lt
and its fucking fun to play with the mic...
hahahahahaha i could have gone on forever k....tour guide all
PLEASE KEEP AWAY FROM THE ANIMALS!!

anyway after that, the whole posse of us
shahira binte anuar, liew wei loong, hum shi ying, michelle chin, joseph huang, abdul halim, chuan xueting, inez siantar, winsor wong, muhd ridhwan bin abdul rahim, nur aqilah, and shep
hahaha

we headed to arab street for dinner and some sheesha
my first time smoking
as in really first time smoking
good boy what

the food was nice
the service was fucked up...fucking fucked up mat boy guy who tried some of our sheesha to make sure its the right one..like wtf..u want some just ask ah...cock

anyway, i think we stayed for too long cause the mood kinda died off
but it was still fun and the company was great

so yea you guys rock
pictures tmr sumpah

hmmm i feel much much better after that last post
like an 11 year dormant volcano finally erupted
and the james i referred to in my previous entry,
he came down for soccer today
so fucking coincidental
since he was supposed to have migrated and all
happens he is in singapore for a one week holiday
cool shit

k lab work to do for now
law investiture tomorrow
and i have to go to millenia walk alone on sun
to collect my specs
how sad is that

and i will be using specs from next week onwards
yay

was on the way home
deep in thought as usual
when this incident that happened a long time ago
re-enacted itself in my head

was waiting for the bus after a primary school day had ended
when my ''friends'' started to get bored and they started to find faults with people
as in like sorta birth ''defects''
so yes, james was cross-eyed, ryan had a funny gait when he walked, and shep stammered when he talked

when i was young, i use to stammer a lot when i talked
like a lot
and i was damn sensitive about it cause i felt like i wasnt normal
its not so bad now but it still occurs now and then and sometimes more often than usual
especially when in law, ur suppose to speak fluently

anyway back to point, i was damn traumatised when they made fun of me about this
back in primary school
it got so bad i didnt wanna talk for a week cause i was afraid of being poked fun at
i once even fought with this guy in class cause he made fun of me
and when my teacher asked me why we were fighting
i broke down and told him why while in tears
my teacher was damn nice at that time and he told the whole class
''if any of you make fun of chris about his stammering, i will punish you and hold you back after class''

so as i was walking home today, i reached a conclusion why i am so fucking paranoid in life
its because i have low self confidence
and this low self confidence stems from my inability to speak properly

everytime i speak, i try to use words that wont make me stammer
and everytime i stammer, i am like,'' hmm did they catch that? do they know?'' kinda thing
i am so fucking afraid that what happened in pri school will materialise in poly
but i know in poly the people are more mature and stuff
so even if they know, they dont make fun of me
but theres always the few
and when they do make fun, it really hurts but i just roll it off my shoulders cause i really cant help it
in fact, when they make fun of me, i really feel sorry for them more than i feel sorry for myself cause they are too naive and are inable to cope with the ''different''.

so yes i think my paranoia is due to this
complex as it seems, its really quite simple
''if life gives you lemons, make lemonade''
but what if the lemons are rotten and not the same as the rest?

i really hate being paranoid and i would do anything to stop
just like i would do anything to speak fluently
but i see it as like
gods way of testing me, to use that cliche

thats why i prefer writing so much than speaking
thats why i am so loud
cause i think it makes people overlook the fact that i stammer

anyway, i hope writing all this will make me realise that paranoia is stupid
and hopefully i can get over this
cause i am still hanging on to what my eldest sis said to me when i was young
''its just a phrase, you will grow out of it''

paranoia made me think that people who made fun of me looked at me differently
that they didnt want anything to do with me
its like, i had some ugly disease kinda thing
its like a defence mechanism
and it sucks cause it made me feel worse than i already do
it made me thing every rejection i faced was due to the fact i stammered
and i am sick of it( it being paranoia)

dont think i am writing this to condemn all the people who made fun of me
to be honest, if i met myself, i would have made fun of myself too
its just to express what i had in my chest for 11 years

i really appreciate and treasure frens of mine
who love me for who i am
who encourage and push and egg me on
those from pri school till now
especially glenn
i can think of so many instances when he defended me
pity we arent as close anymore

thanks

p.s i already feel better
i never thought i would blog and cry at the same time
oh well, life goes on =)

finally watched pirates of the carribbean
its nice
but people, its not a comedy
k captain jack sparrow is a funny cute guy
but really, its not that funny

some parts made me smile
and yes, some parts were cute
but the whole cinema was like, laughing as though it was the funniest shit around
there was one idiot who sat behind us that repeated every last line of a joke

like for example;

when they were passing down the message for someone to look after the boat and it came to this guy with the parrot, so i dunno why, i guess when the parrot speaks its damn funny, so he repeated the ''look after the boat'' after the parrot said it...with a HAHAHAHAAH behind it...

dumb

and there was this guy, towards the last part, he repeated every ''hmmm'' when the clairvoyant was asking them some questions...oh my god... damn annoying...

anyway this entry wasnt meant to offend anyone who found pirates damn funny, i myself am a fan..so yea in the words of mr ferlin,''chill chill''

If you're gonna rip my heart out
Could you use a knife that's dull
And rust in color
Once I die
There will be no way that you can cover
That scar.

oh ya on another note, people who think they are my good frens and from law, i might be able to help yall in your contract individual project...cause of my dad...so yea if you like me and you think i like you, then drop me a message...or msn....or call...or holler...or yea....

hmm
i feel like god put me on earth for people to look at my life and say
''hmm my life isnt that bad after all''

i know i dont have the worst life in the world
there are others with much much worse
but the fact that they can cope and live with it
shows how fucking weak i am mentally

and i am reading irony everywhere
in blogs and shit
its really fucking ironic

and at todays game
before the game even started
i tore my boots practising for a penalty

so i had to sit out the whole entire fucking game
oh my god

and theres fucking cp
and theres fucking contract
and theres fucking shit going on then i cant help but feel responsible for

i think i need to start going to church regularly again
i need to find comfort in something
cause i am not finding comfort in anything else

at the most its temporarily
but i always go home thinking and sulking and brooding
i need something to hold on to
i need god
i need you

fucking minutes test
i didnt even know how to draw the fucking lines for the signature
and i wonder why i dont do well

anyway
baybeats was mad
fucking hot
and mat infested

k so i am getting my specs tomorrow
and playing my match

ah

anyway

k i shant type anymore

k u know the earlier post? about studying?
k fuck it one day into it and i fucked up already
sleeping during accounts and shit
i am just not meant to do well academically and get good grades

anyway, we played soccer in school today...at astro turf
and we experienced first hand what being in law can do to ur ego

let me explain

we saw the law freshmen playing
and the majority of them there were from 1T02 the class i took during SL orientation
so yea they welcomed us to play with them naturally
but the people they were playing with were from 1T04 and these fuckers were making a big fuss about us playing, pulling long faces and shit....so yea in the end we just played regardless of what they said....

but what took the cake was that they year 3's from law happened to be playing next to us...so this group of malay guys came over and asked if they could join...so the law seniors that we know(we being those from 1T01 last year), they said,'' no we got enough'' in a no-way-we-are-gonna-play-with-you-way....so obviously the mats were unhappy so as they walked away, they started saying things like ''eh selfish ah'' so one law year 3 guy shouted smth back but i didnt catch it...so this mat heard it then he started to walk towards them saying ''eh what eh what come here say ah'' so this other law guy was like ''sorry sorry nothing no trouble'' then everything just cooled down and stuff

so yea just cause it says ''LAW'' doesnt mean oh look at me i am fucking smart
and its not only year 3's and 1's
i can think of a lot from year 2 also
so yup
*sigh*

k u know the earlier post? about studying?
k fuck it one day into it and i fucked up already
sleeping during accounts and shit
i am just not meant to do well academically and get good grades

anyway, we played soccer in school today...at astro turf
and we experienced first hand what being in law can do to ur ego

let me explain

we saw the law freshmen playing
and the majority of them there were from 1T02 the class i took during SL orientation
so yea they welcomed us to play with them naturally
but the people they were playing with were from 1T04 and these fuckers were making a big fuss about us playing, pulling long faces and shit....so yea in the end we just played regardless of what they said....

but what took the cake was that they year 3's from law happened to be playing next to us...so this group of malay guys came over and asked if they could join...so the law seniors that we know(we being those from 1T01 last year), they said,'' no we got enough'' in a no-way-we-are-gonna-play-with-you-way....so obviously the mats were unhappy so as they walked away, they started saying things like ''eh selfish ah'' so one law year 3 guy shouted smth back but i didnt catch it...so this mat heard it then he started to walk towards them saying ''eh what eh what come here say ah'' so this other law guy was like ''sorry sorry nothing no trouble'' then everything just cooled down and stuff

so yea just cause it says ''LAW'' doesnt mean oh look at me i am fucking smart
and its not only year 3's and 1's
i can think of a lot from year 2 also
so yup
*sigh*

alrite back from soccer

i have resolved to study and pay attention in classes and lectures from now on
my dad gave me one of his infamous you-need-to-support-your-parents talks and he is emphasizing how i cant disappoint him...
and the way things are going, i am gonna be a major disappointment.

so from now on, no more skippping classes
no more skipping lectures, from the start of halfway, even if its mr leong( yes mr leong)
i need to be more serious
i am having too much fun, being a nuisance in class
so yes
serious mode shep
so yes even if i have to sit alone to avoid being distracted
so forgive me for using this cliche
its not you, its me
ughhh that sucked

so yes
serious mode
no more joking
k not no more
less

need to buck up
my grades this term have been shit
real shit
its like
fuck i cant even be a paralegal la if i wanted to

k buck up shep
fucking wake up

Author : Stephen Covey ( Management Guru)
Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least theway you react to situations). What is this principle?
10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean?We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down.
The plane will be late arriving,which throws our whole schedule off.
A driver may cut us off in traffic.

We have no control over this 10%.
The other 90% is different.
You determine the other 90%.
How?
By your reaction. You cannot control a red light,but you can control your reaction.
Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened.

What happens when the next will be determined by how you react.You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt.Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school.She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work.You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.

Because you are late,you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Yourdaughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why?
Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is " D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.Here is what could have and should have happened.Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time".Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt andyour briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves.You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.Why? Because of how you reacted.You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other90% was determined by your reaction.Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin yourday. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend...


k i received this email from my sister and well, i think its sorta true...but i am the wrong guy to go about preaching about this cause i let things get into my head so easily and stuff...i wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions always show...

so yea dont let things get u down and stuff

can people remind me about this too? i think the past week, i have been reacting wrongly to adversity, being super negative and pessimistic and paranoid...as usual...k tomorrow pirates of the caribbean!johnny depp! captain jack sparrow! mine mine mine mine wooooo

k bye

alrite soccer therapy today was wonder-fucking-ful
haha damn fun la....perspired like a waterfall
anyway
NO MORE WORLD CUP ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
fuck
i wasnt kidding when i said i dont have much to live for now

its like
living in germany with no beer
playing football with no ball
studying in school with no library
singing underwater

yea u get my point...k i just finished my pre lab i feel so accomplished....and i finally did my apel portfolio..after a whole year of procrastinating...

anyway u really thought i could blog a whole entry with no gloating about italy?
WELL FUCK YOU
ITALY WON!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WOOOOOOOOOOOO
ITALIA ITALIA ITALIA

k anyway
zidane won the golden ball? what the fuck
fucking head-butter
so what if he insulted you
ur dumb to let it get to you
cannavaro so totally deserved it

take that tracy lee fucking dog bias bitch
wooo
k glad thats out of the system
anyway i am feeling better
much better
much much better
much much much better
that was all it took... =)

FORZA SHEP-OLIA

fuckkkk
my fucking match got postponed...its been raining the whole fucking day
its not like we didnt wanna play in the rain
fucking stpats didnt wanna allow players to play on the field while its wet
cause it wants the field to recover because it has been used on fri and sat
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

there goes my soccer therapy......i was so looking forward to it know
all psyched up and shit
fuck la


so instead of using the time to do smth constructive like studying for my test on monday
i slept
and watched remember the titans
which was fucking nice...so no regrets...k whatever
and then, i slept again

fuck i think i will fail the fucking test even if its just MCQ and true and false
anyway
to prevent this post being emo-fied,
ITALY vs france
FORZA ITALIA!!!! IL RESTO SOLO DETTAGLI
ha bet you fucking munjens dont understand....hahahahahahah
relax la walau would you rather me be emo?

k enough

some random pics.....

dinner at 85 anyone?
the guy above the crocs shop photo, just loves crocs...he told me his life's ambition is to open up his own crocs shop, sell a variety of shapes and sizes, and cater to all age groups.....serious...he loves it...why not( for those in tp), if u see him around me, ask him if he loves crocs? i am sure he will give u an answer filled with passion and vigour....

p.s i love him and he loves me

ssssshhhhhh

had a nice chat with leo and qilah at tcc
they woke me up....
i think what i needed was a fucking slap
so leo slapped me




k just kidding
they slapped me figuratively...
''fuck it shep.....u know fuck it? FUCK IT''
so yes
i know fuck it
and i will fuck it
cause i look back and realise
brooding or emo-ing
isnt gonna help
it wont make her change her mind
not now, not ever
in fact,
my frens get/got hurt in the process
and the last thing i would want
is for the people i care for to have their unnecessary concern heaped on me
and i am thinking all this shit
is happening cause of me
if i wasnt there in the first place
this shit definitely wouldnt have happened...


everyone would be fine and dandy
i wouldnt be reading emo blogs everyday
so yes
its back to the shep at the start
the one people intro-ed as
''hey this is my fren shep,also from law, in my class''

so yes

i've given up on waiting for the apology that will never come
i've given up trying to explain myself
i've given up on miracles
i've given up on trying to be best frens with everyone
i've given up trying to be quiet so i wont hurt peoples feelings, cause they just think i am emo
i've given up trying to be happy

i'll just bury all this
forget about it and hopefully i wont stumble upon this pandora's box of feelings

''best frens'' this is where yall step in and help me
now
now
nowwwww

and smoking is still not the answer

i wanted to blog a whole fucking chunk of shit
about how emo this and emo that
but i decided against it
cause the more i thing about it
the worse it is
ego? frenship?
i am suppose to fuck that shit it seems
since i am suppose to act like nothing happened
i will(cause i want you happy)
and just rot internally

i really wanna be frens with everyone
sad it cant be seen...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I TOLD YALL MOTHERFUCKERS
ITA-FUCKING-LY
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
fucking last 2 mins.....
grosso the misunderstood guy.....labelled as a diver unfairly
what a way to answer back his critics man.....
wooooooooo
adrenaline
wooooooooooooo
wooooooooooooooooooo
random fact of the day...every 12 years, italy has managed to reach the world cup finals
1994,1982,1970,1958 and now fucking 2006...woooooooooo

wooooooooooooooooo

sometimes,life's like that
it hits you in the bits
just so you aim a little lower

when you dont wanna aim lower
you dont see anyone else
then u get caught

i really hope i can play soccer every minute of my time now...its the only time my mind is free from everything that is happening now

alrite....peer teaching is over...kudos to wan who fucking blew ferlins mind away...breath of fresh air all....21.5 out of 25 all...mat presentation all...hahaha k i just finished my french project...but i did it too fast and i think it isnt good...cause it was like all copied and pasted...fuck i feel bad...aiya pass can la...

lets see...soccer tomorrow...woooo.....again yes....and i already sent my letter of apology...

hah

and the person i think who saboh-ed me, i think its less possible now....yea...k i have more work to do....so yea...sorry for this stupid blog entry....i shall post some random pictures now

World Cup Crocs...like what the fuck??

story-telling it seems

if theres one thing, that i can do nothing about

"act of vandalism" means —
(a) without the written authority of an authorised officer or representative of the Government or of the government of any Commonwealth or foreign country or of any statutory body or authority or of any armed force lawfully present in Singapore in the case of public property, or without the written consent of the owner or occupier in the case of private property —
(i) writing, drawing, painting, marking or inscribing on any public property or private property any word, slogan, caricature, drawing, mark, symbol or other thing;

=====================================================================

i think i need to read this everynight before i sleep...i wanted to write an emo entry about how another fucked up incident has happenned blablabla(cue simple plan song) but i decided to be positive and look at the positives(redundant?=p)....

Mr ferlin is the head of discipline for law so he could easily just inform my parents and stuff...but he told me the worst possible outcome is that i use thinner and wipe it off as compared to real disciplinary action like fines and what else...so yea kinda relieved at that..

and thanks to the people from 2L05 who stood and watched and gaped and laughed and gawked and smiled smugly and pointed and gazed and basically just enjoyed a free show...damn bastard la...haha it was embarrassing enough k...

p.s i think i have an idea who was the bored person who took a picture of the act of vandalism and showed him and ultimately saboh-ed me...so yea...i will be watching you..the more i think about it, the more it makes sense...bitch