i have moved to chrisshep.livejournal.
people with livejournal accounts please add me
cause i have no fucking idea how
weee k love yall
continue reading religiously

i received an email from my sister about birth verses
like how there god chose the day and what purpose or what significance you hold in your life
so my sister and godmother both like were impressed by it
and normally i dont do all this things, like chain mail and stuff
but i was depressed
and i wanted to see if there was any truth in it,
if i have any purpose

this is what my verse says

Acts 2:28 NIV
'You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.'

does this mean i bring joy to others?
cause if it does, its kinda 'woah'
cause i think i bring joy to others?
like making them laugh?
i dunno arghhh but i think its damn cool
my purpose in live is to create joy for others
but whose gonna create joy for the joy-creator?

i watched the pursuit of happyness today

Quote of the movie:

And it was at that time that I thought about Thomas Jefferson writing that Declaration of Independence. Him saying that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I thought about how he knew to put the 'pursuit' in there, like no one can actually have happiness. We can only pursue it.

the show was nice but devastatingly sad and it makes you wanna be able to provide for your family

EDIT: shit i forgot to blog about paris je'taime
VERY NICEE
its a bit like love actually where they have 20 diff skits
describing the different types of love experiences one can have in Paris(Pareeeeee)
like love for a lover, love of a mother, love of the place etc etc
niceeeee
some skits were meaningless and dumb
but the nice ones compensated them by being powerful

there was one skit that i related to,
the protagonist of that skit, is this middle-aged lady who lives alone in paris
she is english i think, or american
and she is in love with paris
and she mentions how she is happy being single
but sad at the same time
cause sometimes there are special moments you encounter
like a beautiful scenery or, just any special moment
and you just want someone close to your heart to share it with
and just turn to her and say,''isnt that beautiful''
or sometimes words are not needed, and a hug is shared
i feel that way a lot
just that no one wants to share it with me

ha nvm
i need to work to buy electronic drums
someone give me a job now
thanks

i am sick of pursuing happiness
cause 'happiness' turns around
takes off its mask, and sadness appears
oh well, i guess one of these days
happiness will find me?
i hope

well, i've got to say my birthday was better than i expected it to be

k well apart from the family law paper,which i ended early, when no one ends early,
but i think i can passsssssss

so after that, the law people celebrated my birthday with me and we ate at es steler(Sp?)
the indo restaurant at far east...and it was good, satisfying i have to say
but same experience like last time la..like nothing new
the real fun begun when we headed to minds cafe to play taboo! and guesstures!
damn funnnnnnn hahahahaha
taboo is this game where we have to describe these words, without using the helping words on the card
and guesstures is like charades!
so when we switch games here and there, some people got confuse and used silent actions for taboo, and words for guesstures

DAMN FUNNY

FUNNIEST IS WHEN ALVIN ACTED THE WORD ''HUM''

HAHAHAAH HE STOOD THERE AND SMILED AND WHEN NO ONE GOT IT, HE STARTED HUMPING LEO AS IN HUMP HAHAHAHAHAHA

then today, i went out with my patricians and others for lan and soccer

woooo

and thanks to tp people for the hugs and SU people for the impromptu song at the bus stop. HAHA

thank you people

it cheered me up, i guess

i want a happy birthday

heavy heart heavy heart heavy heart
but i guess its better for you this way
then at least you will be happy

if its not my fault, why does it hurt so much??

sigh

but you mean a lot to me, so i guess this is where
'friendship lasts longer than relationship' comes in

i am gonna overcome this
paper hearts cant win this time
all along i should have realized
this wasnt your dream it was mine

but i have to say it was wonderful while 'it lasted'
=/

if only
if only

edit: its 630 am and i still cant sleep
i tossed and turn and log in and out of my com for 3 hrs
i hope this doesnt affect my exams =/

i guess the straw that broke the camels back finally happened today

i got a call from my dad asking what time i would be coming home because someone needed to look after the dogs as he wanted to sleep,as the dogs always bark when someone comes home unless someone is there to look after them but i was busy at that time so i said i will be home in 40 mins..turns out it was too late, and he got kinda angry..i tried calling my sis but her phone was off, no surprise there...she hasnt been home before 2am for the past 2 weeks..and my dad has been going on about how its her dogs but she hasnt been a very good owner, about how it always gets pushed to him.

so when i got home, he was fucking angry, and he said he was gonna call SPCA to take the dogs away. i was devastated when i heard that..he has always threatened abot giving the dogs away but he hasnt been specific, kind of like a vague threat..

but the tone in his voice, and the seriousness of the matter, and the fact he gave the specifics, freaked me out...my family dogs given away?

i have always loved dogs, so to get my own dog in about end of sec 3, was like one of the better things to happen to me.

i remember when we first had casey, he was a small trembling thing, and we actually thought he might be mute at first cause he hardly made any noise..after a few months, he started barking and we were all happy...ironically enough, it was the reason he is about to be given away.

he was one of the better frens i had...my eldest sis and i went on about how he knew you were sad or sick, and how if you were, he would just cuddle up to you, or rest his head on your leg, and it was a beautiful feeling, it was actual love, actual no holes barred love. so what if he barks? everyone, everything has their faults...why cant he accept his..

how would you like if your best frens dad decided to give your best fren away and never see him again? in my case, i cant even talk to him, i cant send smses, i cant ask him how he is doing...what if another family takes him in? what if they mistreat him? what if he gets killed? i cant bear to picture anything, i will just cry harder..its painful

brandy has been a doll too even though he has been with the family for less than 2 years...she was always eager and happy.. and the friendlier of the 2 dogs...she is old, like 8 years,,,she wont live much longer, this is the age for her to relax and enjoy....and she is gonna have to move and adjust and cope again?

as i type, they are on my bed sleeping unknowing to what is gonna happen to them tomorrow, i cant bear to picture what they must be feeling....''i am lucky to have a family that loves me'' and the next day they wont see that family anymore?

fucked up, i just hope its one more of his empty threats..and doesnt all this happen at the right time? exam period? how the fuck am i suppose to focus now?

k i cant type anymore, i just cant

i hate ambiguity
i hate feeling helpless
at a loss of what to do

i hate it when just when you think you have everything figured out,
a red herring appears and everything is thrown about again
just when you know where you stand
you get thrown off your perch and you have no idea how to get back there

i hate it when i think too much
and suddenly all this possibilities start apparating
some far fetched, some so fucking probable

i hate it when exams have to come at a time like this
i hate it when i start looking down at myself
''if i wasnt this way, this wouldnt happened to me''

i hate it when i feel so hopeful
and that hope makes me fly
cause i know in reality, i am gonna land hard

the amazing this is, when all this angst occur
it disappears as soon as it comes
all it takes is to hear from you

i hate it when i sound creepy
cause i feel like i am scaring people away

i hate it when i blog like this
cause i feel ridiculous

i hate it when i blog with lyrics
because
i miss you like crazzzzzyyyyy
even more than words can sayyyy
i miss you like crazyyyyy
every minute of everydayyyyyyyy
girl i am so down
when your not arounddd
i miss you miss you miss youuuuu
i miss you like crazyy
its gay

gay gay gay gay gay gay

ahhh maybe i will feel better after exams
maybe everything will work out
see there i go again with hope

bahhhh

where are my frens

EDIT: see the mood swing is gone
good points today; i went church for ash wednesday mass!
wooo
so the priest is supposed to rub ash on our forehead, in the sign of the cross
and when i was next, i forgot to push my hair back
so he sort of gave me a wtf look then he made the sign with half of the ash on my hair
so i was like some
goth, satanic, ash-hair covered boy walkign back
my god
i suck

haha
but i felt enriched
and holy
back to church again shep
with exams coming soon too haha

i feel like the jekyll and hyde of blogging man
emo and non-emo

celebrating chinese new year even though i am a ''pure'' eurasian has always been a weird experience for me

the oranges, the superstitions, the ang pows, the traditions
but its also kinda cool
cause eurasians dont have their own holiday or festival thingy
(contrary to popular belief, eurasians dont celebrate christmas, christians and catholics do)

but its always boring for me
because i have no cousins in my age group
like they are either too young or too old
and like
i get bored easily
EASILY

oh well
oh ya i celebrate chinese new year cause my mums half chinese but she's a eurasian as well

on another note,
exams are coming
no more soccer for 2 weeks
i need to study
my fam law is fucked
so is accounts
OB help me

ahhhh

on another note,

you make me smile when i think of you

yesterday, or rather this morning, was midnight soccer at the bedok simpang court
not really midnight, like 2 am
so we were playing 4v4 happily shouting shouting
when the police came

haha apparently someone complained la
so they just told us to leave
after they recorded our particulars
we had a 14 yr old kid with us, someone's cousin
and the police asked him if he knew about the new rule about
where if anyone is under 16 years of age,he cant be out after 11pm
so he said he knew
so the policeman said ok so after this when they all eat supper, you go home straight
damn funny la

i need something to constantly occupy my mind
so i wont think of the hurt

today is shep bodoh day

i wore formal for presentation
when the whole class didnt wear
i didnt know =/

better still,
my group was first to present
but because of technical difficulties,
our video couldnt be played
so we are gonna present next week
formal for nothing =//

and the video
i acted as thaksin
and i feel so embarrassed...
ask me for it, if you wanna watch!

and then
got more moments
but i am shy

the hardest part of this, is leaving you

ah convey test tmr
and i havnt even opened my book
help!

k anyway, i went to buy food for myself in the morning
and i was also looking for a gift for my mum
cause its her birthday today
and so happens to be michelle's also
happy birthday!

k anyway i was looking around for a card
around my neighbourhood
and its kind of refreshing to walk around in rags in the morning
in like a market kind of dress-down occasion
cause i am sick of having to dress appropriately for school every single day
k i dont dress that nice everyday, but i have to put on pants ok?! haha

so yea its cool to be an ah pek once in a while
and i got my mum a card from one of the million under-block shops there
(yes yes call me cheap, my nasi lemak costs more than the card)
but its the thought that counts

anyway i was doing some random stoning
and i thought of what songs we sang on petes birthday in the pub
and i thought of only love by trademark
and thought of the lyrics
and thought of something, or rather someone

But only love can say
try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

weeee k i am freaking everyone out
sorry

i
need
to
study
conveyancing

k i resolve to study everyday for at least 2 hrs
after leadership presentation
i invite anyone to accompany me
because i cant study alone
i will think of random lyrics about love and shit
and be emo
then play computer games
then sleep
so study with meeeee
study group
nownownownownownownownwonwownownownownnwo
omggg
k fail

today was the remaining games of the ASHRAE cup that we took part it
we being the same team that took part in Director's cup and won

so we won our group stage games quite comprehensively
6-0,7-1 and 1-0

so i rushed down after fam law make up class just in time to reach astro turf
just before our first game, as everyone else had class so we had just enough players
we won the first game 1-0
with yours truly getting the winning goal
wooo!!

so on to semi-finals
this game was rather heated
as the malay team we were playign against
thought that it was ok to play dirty as long as you say sorry
so they were intentionally kicking our legs then apologising
sorry lost all its meaning la
but we won that on penalties
winston saving shots like mad
I MISSED
there goes my 100% record
=(

so then on to finals
this was fucked up
we scored the first goal
so we were happy
then peter cramped up
so there he was lying on the floor
i went to help him stretch
and the other fucking team played on la cb!
they scored an open goal
and we were all like wtf!!
like where the fuck is your sportsmanship

and the first thing he said when he scored was not 'like are you ok'?
it was 'the referee never stop time ah so dont blame me'
damn pissed off la
then they had a penalty but winston super keeper saved it again
but injured himself in the process
and peter was already injured
so we completed the game with 5 instead of 6
but we hung on till penalties
WHERE I MISSED AGAIN FUCK
haha we lost that penalties so we came in 2nd

but after that, the team came to us to shake hands
but i refused to and so did the rest of my team
he said,''eh come on sporting ah'
i said,' sporting? our player injured, you play on, how to shake your hands? sporting??'
then we walked away
bastards

but what consoled us was random mat teams that came up to us after the game
and said we deserved to win
and that the other team lacked sportsmanship
at least that showed on our part
so yea

p.s ruz tournament over but i still keeping your hairband!

sometimes after high and amazing times,

like peters party or winstons stayover,

its easy to forget troubles and live for the moment

but then sometimes, all it takes is a simple conversation with a friend

to remind you all over again

not that sharing is bad,

its just that you get reminded about the credentials we lack,

or what life has screwed us on

and whats worse

is when you have something you bank on

something you really have a lot of hope for

something that could take away all this hurt

something you feel so strongly for

something that is the reason you hang on for

when that something becomes more apparent that it wont happen

when it begins to dissipate

when all that your dreams and hopes banking on that something dissolve

when you realise no matter what you do

it just wont happen

you feel like shit

and its worst when you test the waters

cause maybe you know, sometimes people think too much

so you test the waters to see maybe it can happen

it becomes even more obvious and solid it will never happen

never

your just another colour in a rainbow

a colour that brightens up her life

an important factor

but you will never be the sunshine and happiness that follows after the rainbow

but i dont know maybe i am thinking too much?

i hate this phase of life

i hope i am thinking too much

i hope that something or that dream is still possible

because i think it would be wonderful

if only you felt the same way

grrr

k anyway some pictures from peters party

i am so not looking forward to the next few weeks

leadership and conveyancing tests, leadership presentation

=(

hello the lack of updates is due to me refusing to blog emo-ly
because shit has happened, and we all dont like shit

so yes, i am rather down now so instead of updating yall on my life
and giving more 'why-me-god,again-this-shit-has-happened-god' entries,
i am gonna tell a story

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem.
But unlike most people she did something about it.

The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.
From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her.
Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.
Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either.
A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.

At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leola said, "No problem. How many nights?"

A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you."

The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II.
She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the O.J. Simpson trial, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June.

Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up.
Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers."

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area.
People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.
Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel."
Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."

Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
the kind of feeling I've waited so long

Don't stop come a little closer
As we jam the rythm gets stronger
There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
We were dancing all night long

The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling right
You wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I knew it this dream was all gone

I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish this dream comes true

i was just watching everybody loves raymond
and watching petter boyle act, and its so hard to accept the fact
that he is dead



he was such a good actor and to me, he was the reason why the show lasted
he was so cynical, so snide, but there was an episode, where he broke down
and proclaimed his love for his wife
it was so sweet
i was on the verge of tears



i related to him
i always looked forward to his one liners
its so sad



i wonder how they are gonna portray his death in the show
or just kill the show off
hmmm
watching everybody loves raymond isnt gonna be the same anymore

(1933-2006)

on a brighter note, 2007 brings a whole new challenge and expectations

-sip

-drums

-love

-gpa

-many many others

hello
if there is one thing i need to be thankful for in 2006
and be all misty-eyed and grateful,

its gotta be my friends
and not the ones that go hi and bye in school
the ones who care

but the ones who really deserve this special mention
are the ones who care without showing they care
the ones who notice your down, but rather then have a sit down talk
they focus on cheering you up rather than listening to your problems

and when you decide on telling them your problems without them asking
they listen and offer advice, and their advice is fucked up cause they are trying to make a joke
to cheer you up
thats cool

thanks my patrician friends
you guys rock

testimony to this post, yesterday we all went to jam, went to sangs house to gamble and had fun
wooooooooo

oh my god
i have a bad feeling for this one as well
k this is gonna be the third time
so the fault definitely lies with me
whats wrong with me
am i that unlikeable
hmm