omg i am so freaking excited
fate just threw another opportunity at me
just when i was getting all pessimistic and that she wont come
she is coming!

oh my god k i hope i dont blow this chance
like how i blew the one in church
omg omg omg

i couldnt sleep the whole of last night,
thinking of what to say or what to do
i tossed and turned like a tossed and turned salad
hahaahha

oh my god in a few more hours she will be in my house
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
hope i can be my self
omggggggggggggggggggggg

dont screw up
dont screw up
dont screw upppppppp

oh ya happy new year people =)

i feel like a hindrance to my friends

k anyway, i think i didnt give otc the synopsis it deserved
but yea no matter how i describe in words, it wont be done justice
our cheer is on youtube ah, damn shiok
i now have 5 videos on youtube containing me

k christmas sucks as always
forward to new years please thank you

otc was a blast
programme this year was good definitely
i think we owned

k anyway this christmas has been
for want of a better word, fucked

first, when i was leaving my grandma's for church,
my dad suddenly noticed i was wearing his dancing shoes
by mistake instead of the leather shoes
he got angry and shit and i had to go home and change
before going to church

so fucked up
then of course this made me late
and i like caught the last 5 mins of church

then i fucking blew it
like completely blew it
like, a golden opportunity to talk to her
and all i could do was talk about bus routes
fucked up la
and my next chance will probably be like next year or smth
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

k nvm, this is the new shep not the old one
the old one would have said fuck it and whined
but i really feel there is something here, something worth persevering for
so i shall
hmm when's the next opportunity?

then when i went back to my grandmas place after mass,
may i add while everyone was going out to party, i went home
my eldest sis told me that my auntie mistakenly took all my presents home
cause her husbands name is also christopher
and she put her presents next to mine
so yea she thought it was for him
and there were several red packets there

sigh
hope it gets better
especially the church part

let me share with yall a story

today i want for penitential service with my mother
which basically is a mass confession in church
(yes, after my last blog entry, i went for the real thing)

so after confession, i resolved to be a better person
like do good deeds and stuff
so my mum and i were about to cross the road
it was raining heavily, as its the fashion nowadays
whilst waiting for the light to change, i noticed an old man next to me,
with no umbrella and stuff
so you know i felt compassionate and offered to share my umbrella
he was visibly stunned by this and accepted the offer

so here i was thinking i got a one-way ticket to heaven when he did the unthinkable,
he struck up a conversation with me

it went like this

old man: are you singaporean?
me: oh, yes, born and bred in singapore
old man: oh i see, cause you look filipino
me(i was insulted and wanted to take my umbrella back): umm oh i am eurasian you see
old man: oh me too
me(giving the umbrella back and now smiling at him) oh nice, whats ur surname?
old man: nonis ( my mum was making jokes about how he had no-knees(nonis) but got elbows)
me: oh i see i am a shepherdson
old man: oh i know several shepherdsons

by this time, we had already reached the bus stop and then my mum arrived cause the old man could walk fast for an old man. umm ya

and she went

mum: hi douglas!
old man(now douglas): oh hi adelene!
me: huh?
mum: this is your dad's friend from SRC
douglas: oh this is terence's son???? he said he was a shepherdson but it didnt click

at this we were both speechless and gawking and mumbling then our bus came so we got on i was contemplating and reflecting like shit...
and the ''old man'' was a former olympiad who represented singapore at hockey
yea so much for frail old man who needed my umbrella
but its the thought that counts k

so i was like wow i just made a difference in someone's day and while getting off the bus, i gave way to this minah and she was originally looking stressed and stuff but when i gave way, she smiled then put on her emo mask again

so yes people, the message behind this entry is not for me to brag about my good deed but that its really simple to make someone's day, just a simple good deed, or if its really beyond you, just smile i mean its not hard...
i know i know who am i to preach about this, being an emo-boy and shit
but certain circumstances made me realise that people interpret

not smiling= suicidal and going to jump anytime

so yes, smile
seriously
it works

p.s i really am gonna change for the better
i like the warm and fuzzy feeling

forgive me father for i have sinned
it's been a year since my last confession
i turn to you, father, because your the only one who will forgive me
and i dont expect anything more from anyone cause i dont deserve it
and i wont be surprsied if you turn your back on me as well

i have been a bad son
i have been a bad friend
k take it back, a horrible friend
i give nothing yet expect the world back
i use obscenities freely
i have impure thoughts
smoking
stealing
taking things for granted like family
the list goes on


for all these sins, i am truly sorry

hmmm normally when i go for confession, i always feel free and easy after that
somehow, i dont feel light now
i feel worse after seeing all this on paper
lord help me

amen

SHARING OF PERCEPTION

Subjectivity is the key factor in perception. There will always be more than one interpretation of any situation. The issue is not so much whose interpretation is correct rather what the basis of the respective interpretation is.

Minimizing differences in perception is a major objective in managing people and relationships. The best way to minimize differences is by sharing of perception.

Techniques of sharing perceptions require open and direct communication by the perceivers with one another and with all parties concerned. This requires conscious effort and constant vigilance on our part; and many a time, it also requires us to be courageous in being open and honest in our communication.

Skills for sharing perceptions include, asking questions, sharing ideas and information, reflecting, summarising, not formulating the easiest way out, openness to change, listening and other communication techniques that facilitate mutual understanding.

i have been studying OB too much.

anyway, yay my dads gonna pay for my driving after mid-sem tests.
yay he is gonna get me my own car.
yay

i found something that the malay community in singapore is good for
before i carry on, please remember eveything done is in good faith
not happy, don't read on
you have been warned

you know sometimes when you are filled with emotions
but yet you cant find the right words to express that exact feeling?
well, thank the malays
there are some scenarios where using prim and proper english just wont cut it

Scenario A(utmost frustration)

englishmen: i am very frustrated
mat: SIOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Scenario B ( inviting someone to smoke)

englishmen:john, shall we go for a smoke?
mat: eh hisap?

Scenario C ( asking someone to move)

englishmen: excuse me. sorry
mat: eh tepi ah

Scenario D ( insulting one's mother)

englishmen: your mothers vagina
mat: puki mak kau!

Scenario E ( Compliments)

englishmen: jolly good old chap
mat: baik ah mat

see what i mean? there are some scenarios where malay is just the better choice. no frills, no beating around the bush...just short and sweet and straight to the point

however, i warn you...with great power int he malay language comes great responsibility...not every conversation sounds better in malay

Scenario F ( greeting your boss)

Englishmen: Good afternoon sir, how are you today?
mat: EHHHHHHH WASSSSSUPPPPPP BROTHER??????!! APA MACAM?????????????( does hand-punching thing with boss)

Scenario G ( teaching)

Englishmen: so today, you will learn E=MC2 and F=ma
mat: huh?

there you go.... hope yall understand what i have to say..again i have to say, please use the malay language properly.

today
was a day of so many emotions
i lost count

BORED
first i felt bored at OB lecture
at the start of the movie, it was kinda interesting
i mean, how can a space shuttle crash be boring right?
wrong, it was dead boring

HUNGRY
i ate lunch

ANNOYED/PISSED
family law lecture with ridhwans fave lecturer
damn pissing off ah
with her hard-to-believe-stories
and ''i am young, we are young, so i am cool'' attitude....one word
b i t c h

SATISFIED
BIT tournament went rather well....
our team won our first 2 games
or i think they did
cause we won our first game 10-6
and pete and i had to leave at second half for our other game at 6-1
so yea i think they won
but satisfied cause i scored 8 goals in 2 games woooo
but more so cause i blocked peter's shot even though he was on my team
mahahaha

FEAR
i was on the motherfucking bus searching for my phone
and i couldnt find it
i started to take out and overturn my underwear to see if it was there
it makes sense k
i was panicking
finally i gave up

RELIEVED/ DISBELIEF
disbelief because i asked a stranger if i could use his phone
so me being nice, i offered 50 cents la
like payment
and he took it without a second though
relieve because samuel had my phone, i left it at the court
damn lucky la
first ipod now this
i am becoming very absent-minded

SURPRISED
guess who i saw on the mrt?
charlie tay
yes our fellow former law student
apparently he is looking for mud
cause mud has his cpc and evidence act
and mud is not bothering calling him
so i play devils advocate
and i am suppose to inform mat that charlie is after him
how nice
what are the chances he will faint again?

TIRED
first day of work cleaning 4 restaurants
peter, how u tahan sia
fuck
endure
i need money

p.s after all this events, i think i woke up
like i dunno i just snapped out of it
sorry to whoever had the patience
to care for me and not give up on me
i think what i needed was knowing i had friends
who stuck with me even when others didnt care
i love yall
i really dont deserve friends like this
i promise to try my best to not let it happen again

i feel compelled to blog
because of recent events happening
maybe its the stress of school
or whatever

its amazing how one can just blabber and blabber on and on
and not realize the consequence of what your saying
like, do u think before you speak?
do you know how you sound like?
do you know how self-centred and fake you are?

and who are you to judge people
and play devils advocate
and start handing out what you deem as apt punishments
when in reality
your no better?

its amazing really
and with certain friends like the ones you have
who are exactly how you are
the topic always seems to be self involved
and its a never ending circle
cause your friends think its ok, so you think its ok to act the way you do
my eyes have opened up to you
and i realize you will never change
well, i didnt expect any less

yesterday
was guys night out after arab street

fuckingggggggggggggggggg shiok

playing cs with wan,leo,jo,sanji,halim and halim's fren
woooooot
fucking fun
and funny
JIHADDDDDD
then we walked to fort canning park
played hide and seek with jo
sanji freaked out
and we cabbed home
simple, no complications, fun

the way i like it
bitch

she doesnt even realise


well, some choices are out of reach

i will never forget today
so it was directors cup day
we had just won our quarter-final
we were watching the other quarter final match
to see who we would be pitted against

so this chinese team was winning this other indian team
with one minute left
suddenly there was a hard challenge and this small chinese guy
was sent flying to the concrete floor
and he took a hard whack on the head
and he started to convulse and like he had fits
his head had cracked open and blood was flowing out
there was a puddle of blood where his head lay

it was just disgusting and sickening
he started to foam at the mouth and he was still convulsing
when the paramedics arrived
we were all sickened by what happened

the worst thing was that it happened like
right in front of me where i was leaning against the wall
i saw everything
and i heard he didnt sign the indemity form

and i have to go back to school tomorrow
to finish up the tournament
my heart is really not in it man
its gonna be so unsettling
i guess just get it over and done with

i hope he is fine
he is gonna be included in my prayers tonight

its official
the problem lies within
and i guess there is nothing i can do about it

please understand
i am not angry with anyone
i'm not smiling because
i have nothing to look forward to

so yea
if you cant stand me like this
or cant bear to see me like that
whichever
i understand
and i wont show my face

sorry

smoking is not the answer

so
sheppy can wait
he knows its too late
as he's walking on by

his soul slides away
but 'dont look back in anger'
you heard him say

i am confused
and conveyancing isnt helping

i wish sch never started

hmm
cant u see they way your acting?
its so annoying
the world doesnt revolve around you
you dont have to make a big fuss over everything that happens to you
in fact, some of the things dont concern you at all

and stop talking to people and start being all sweet
only when you want something
you dont see it, but i cringe everytime you talk bad about someone
cause actually, your not all that perfect either

and its not nice of you to under-appreciate people
people who have sacrificed a lot to be there for you
when no one else would
you can say its not true
but where there is smoke, there is fire

ok bye

btw i like this picture

You sat me down beside myself
To show me all the reasons
I was wrong for you
Was this for real?
It's hard to tell
Cause it was such a beautiful mess we had got into

I'm gonna overcome this, paper hearts can't win this time
And all along
I should have known this wasn't your dream,
it was mine
I know you wanted me to give up this life to be
Everything I was back when you had the hands my heart was in
I was never good at goodbye



on another note
i love living in singapore
cause only here, can a munjen put on a turban
and the singh it belongs to wont mine
and
voila, u have sangerella singh
friend of shepperstiltskin and bendilocks

fri thru to saturday, was one of the most emotionally and physically draining days of my poly life.

k here's why

fri was planned for us to head down to cine to get my figurines and then to bugis to get a jacket for mr wan, and then to queensway to get my shoes and winsors jeans.

so

wan called me asked me if i could come school at 3 to help carry stuff
''sure!'' answered this naive and enthusiastic boy
i even took a cab
so it turns out, wan and i had to carry a million chairs, 300 thousand tables, 500 balls, 87 cones
50 bibs and 1 board. k that wasnt exact but when ur tired, it seems that way k

but then ruz treated me to ben and jerrys! yay love you
cookie dough somemore woooooo (k i almost wrote coolie dough)

then after shopping, which was fucking funny and I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET WHAT HAPPEN AT MACS,

i headed down to leroy's party
no offence but it was shit ass boring
even when the 89 syndrome kids came
but its always fun trading sarcastic jokes and witty remarks with one another
but with people like peter around, some are lame.damn lame

so we decided it was boring and we headed to katong to play lan
fucking shiokkkkkkkkkk
so we played till like 6 am
and then we headed home where i slept at like 10
and woke up at 11 with the intention to come school for lecture
but the lecturer ended an hour early
so i came when they ended bastard k i would have been there for an hour if it didnt end an hour early cause i came an hour late so i would have an hour's worth of lecture.fuck

then this little event named law fraternity games took place.
ah this
we, the year 2's, were suppose to have a team but miss wendy yu decided soccer was over-publicized and she decided to send one team only, and that was the year 3 team...so leo and i joined volleyball...and we sucked shit ass we were clearly bringing the team down la...

they were all from school team and shit...after a while with my lack of sleep evident, i just wanted to go home la fuck and the sun was scorching like a bitch. but then when the year 3's were already knocked out, leo and i played for them for one game.yay. one game at least i could test out my shoes.

but then the highlight of the day came.

k everyone who was there,knows what happened
so i will just give my 2 cents worth

its funny how people's perception of one can change
last year, everyone use to be raving about you, how you are responsible and shit
maybe u took that to heart, and saw that the whole of law and management's future rests on your shoulder. thats fucked up

you started pulling under-handed tactics and started playing the blame game when someone finds fault with you

wtf

and your ethics,my god dont let me get started
taking pictures of/with girls that are nice enough to pose? and then taking advantage and putting it on your friendster with stupid captions and, this just takes the cake, even putting a collage on your handphone as wallpaper

so back to the stunt u pulled at the LFG yesterday
it was disgusting, disgraceful and just sad
u made marlon brando turn in his grave with what you call acting
only a blind disillusioned soul would have fallen for it
sorry to call miss yu and mr looi that but they fell for it
hook line and sinker
and while you were on the ground
wow u sure took everyone with your winning gesture of leadership huh?
''mr looi, i cant return the key''
so what, u think this cements your place in law inc?
with the support of the lecturers?
fuck
now, i have totally lost all respect for you
as a human being and as a member of law inc

maybe i am so pissed cause one of your unethical actions you did struck a raw nerve with me
but whatever, your pissing everyone off with every single hi and goodbye and stupid suggestions like using the field goal post on the astro turf

k enough i was so fucking pissed when i went home
fucking pissed

k time for soccer

bye

argh its fucking 330 am and i cant sleep
and tmr lecture at 9
leadership
i promise myself i am gonna attend every lecture
even the intro ones
and even those that are my only subjects for a whole day in school
yes tmr, or rather today, its just that lecture for an hour

fuck

i am gonna start my lord of the rings miniatures collection again
cause its so fucking cool
wins and i were fooling around with what i had left from sec3
cause i gave a lot away when i shifted
and the urge and impulsiveness just took over
i spent like 2k? on the collection
and now i have to find a way to balance buying new miniatures and saving for the bangkok trip
help
and i need to buy new brushes and paints
cause my paints from sec3 have all dried up
i will try to take pictures of my miniatures
and post them
if i have perked your curiousity
so at least yall know what to get me for my birthday

i think this has been the longest that i havnt updated

k anyway, school starts in two days
i am gonna be more serious
and i am getting more and easily irritated with things happening around me
well more than usual
dont know why

k anyway
my aunt is inviting my family, along with hers', to watch the
spongebob showcase in singapore
ha
the best thing is, she says in the email if we get a party of 8,
we get to meet the characters backstage
how cool is that?
i cant be fucked to go
but its for my little ang moh cousin, sean william smart,
and i love him to bits
so if need be, i shall go
but someone please come with me

and my ulcers are back
good timing rite
when school is about to start
fantastic

and ridhwan
please look after me this sem
thank you